Zette Harbour

Zette

Episode 17 Exploring Woman of the Sea

In this episode, I dive deeply into one of my life’s most potent stories, The Woman of the Sea. I share my explorations from my book Love Lies Beneath: How reclaiming my Soul through Story became the secret to healing my Heart. I highly recommend listening to Episode 22 Woman of the Sea to refresh your own connections to this tale.

Subscribe to this podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and many more.

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon. 

Transcript

Exploring Woman of the Sea

From the moment I read this story, I fell in love with it. It spoke to me so deeply. Over time, my understanding of what it was saying to me and for me, coalesced. 

What first moved me was wordless and deep, like the fairy places in the sea themselves. Then over time, my awareness and ability to articulate the gifts of this tale took shape and glowed with the promise of those peat embers in the Hearth. I was transfixed and have never lost my wonder of it.

For a long time, I thought this was a story about my wild nature and being domesticated by ordinary life. I related to it as a female who had been told to meet others’ needs and do what was expected of me. I saw that I, myself, was also the farmer, holding my wild nature hostage in the service of the mundane. A part of me was captivated by my wild nature and did not mind abducting it to benefit from partnering with it.

And yet, in captivity, my wild nature could not produce those magical, wondrous experiences that are only found deep down in the fairy places that are as warm as a river in summer. I could not swim with the Selkies, dive deep, and delight in my sleekness and speed in moving through the water.

I kept my wild nature tethered to be a good wife to that part of me that is ignorant of what it is to be a fairy, wild and free, ready and willing to dance with joy at the full moon in midsummer. To risk taking off my skin to feel the ocean breeze and the sand beneath my feet. To sing and dance in unity and celebration with my wild family.

And then there are my children. They are part ordinary, part fairy. My sealskin is returned to me because they are out playing, laughing, and shrieking among the haystacks. I love them very much. It turns out that I do not love staying with them more than I love returning to my wild self. And yet, as my wild self, I can visit them and share the treasures and delights of the sea. I don’t have to abandon them completely. It is just that I will never again return to the land and any possibility of being captured again.

Selkie Nature

A long time ago, I locked away my sealskin. At least the farmer part of me did. He was well-intentioned, to be sure. Unfortunately, he ignored my tears and my pleas to be set free and for my sealskin to be returned. There was hay to be made, sheep to be sheared, bread to be baked, and chickens to be fed. 

My Selkie, my wild nature, could do all those things, although what she was born for was to dive down deep into the sea and explore the enchanted places found there. She was made to be sleek and fast. Her place among her people was assured, and it enriched her. It was her mere presence in all their adventures that gave her life meaning and value.

This is so different from her place with the farmer. In the land of the ordinary, there are tasks and chores. Worth comes through work. There is love, to be sure, but it is not unrestrained and wildly free. During my entire captivity, we both are aware of my sealskin and how I will act if I ever recover it. We choose never to speak of it even though it is present in every moment between us. 

My sealskin is my willingness to say yes to my true nature, my wild self. Once I find it, nothing will hold me back from my return to my home in the sea. I love this version of the traditional Scottish tale because there is a pause, a breath, where it seems that the woman of the sea might actually walk back into the house and resume her dutiful life. This speaks to the effects of the length of my submission to the restraints of mundane life. 

Like a hostage, I had developed some attachments to my inner captor. I had children with him. I could feel the tangible products of my work in the bread and the yarn. There was a risk in leaving that behind and returning to my original, wild self. Being untethered always feels risky, especially if you have forgotten how.

It is the sound of the ocean that completes my re-awakening. Those waves crashing on the rocks and racing up the shore, reignite my instincts. I had buried them as a way of coping with my captivity, and now they could be set free.

Episode 16 Woman of the Sea

The Selkie is found in stories from the Northern Isles and Scotland.  Explore your own journey to return to your true identity in this powerful folktale from my book, Love Lies Beneath: How reclaiming my Soul through Story became the secret to healing my Heart.

Subscribe to this podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and many more.

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon. 

Woman of the Sea

Transcript

Welcome to Love Lies Beneath. I’m Zette Harbour.

I’m glad to have you here. Do you feel like stress, fear, or pain take up way too much of your energy? Have you wondered if you’ll ever be free of that heaviness of your past? Do you long to feel as good on the inside as your life looks on the outside? In this podcast, you’ll discover the story of who you really are and how to set yourself free together.

We’re going to travel into those wild spaces of our inner landscapes and dive deeply into the rich soil of our lives. Reclaiming soul through story and healing. Our hearts. My book Love Lies Beneath is the. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast. So you don’t miss any of this enriching journey. And now let the adventure begin.

Selkies

In Episode 22, I share the second folktale in Part II of my book. It’s called Woman of the Sea. It’s a version of a selkie story. Selkies are a kind of fairy. They live in the deep sea and you do see them, but when you do, they look like seals swimming in the ocean until they come out onto the land. And so many selkie stories tell what happens to them when they leave the safety and freedom of their home.

In this story, I feel and see and live into a story of being separated from my true nature, my true identity. And this story allows me to connect to my feelings of loss. And yearning and finally liberation, The loss is that moment or those moments in life that separate me from who I truly am. In my book, I describe it as the Original Self. 

In becoming separated from my original self, I took on a different identity. It wasn’t exactly not me, but it wasn’t really the true me. So this story expresses that so perfectly, I’m going to read it for you now.

Woman of the Sea

Long ago on the Isle of Unst, there lived a young man, a farmer. One summer evening he was down walking by the shore. He had come down there to cool off after a long day in the hay fields and there was a breeze blowing off the ocean. He could see the full moon in the sky. Below the sand was shining golden in the moonlight. 

He walked along and when he looked up, there right in front of him was a ring of fairy people dancing in a great circle and singing. He had never seen them like this before. But because it was midsummer, and a full moon, there they were, without their sealskins dancing for joy. 

The young man moved quietly along the shore and he saw his shadow moving before him. He could see that not one of the fairy people cast a shadow on the ground. His own shadow moved before him and entered the ring before he did. 

The fairy people, in an instant, broke the circle and ran for their sealskins. Soon, the air was full of the sounds of soft splashing and their cries as they ran for their skins and dove in the water. 

But there was one of the fairy people, a young woman running back and forth along the shore, looking as if she had lost something. She ran to the edge of the water with her feet in the foam. She called out to her people to come back for her but it was too late. They were already gone. 

The young man looked down and in his shadow, he saw a darker shape. It was her sealskin. And so he picked that up and he hid it behind a rock. Then he walked down to the edge of the water. There he looked at the young woman and he said, “Woman of the sea, why are you crying?”

She looked at him and for a moment he thought she might dive right into the water even without her sealskin. But instead she took a step closer to him. 

“Sir, Sir, give it back to me. If you give it back, my people and I will give you the treasure of the sea.”

“I want no treasure of the sea except for you,” he said, “I want you to be my wife. It is by your own hearth that you shall sit beside on those long, cold dreary winter nights. Never again will you have to swim in that cold gray sea.” 

She tried to explain to him about those fairy places, deep, deep in the sea where the water is warm as a river in summer, where neither snow nor darkness ever come. 

But he wouldn’t hear her. He wrapped her in his cloak and picked her up.  She wept the whole time as he carried her on his shoulder and went straight to the priest’s house where they were married. He carried her, still crying all the way, to his house. He brought her straight into the kitchen and set her right before the hearth. 

She took one look at that glowing crimson peat in the fireplace and her eyes were transfixed. She stopped crying. It was the first thing that made her forget, for even a moment the sea that was her home. She never lost her wonder of it. In fact, she brought each of her three children to see it the first thing after they were born. 

She was with the man for 14 years and she was a good wife to him. She baked his bread. She spun the wool of his Shetland sheep. And she loved her children. And he loved her. He never once named the sealskin to her, and she never named it to him. 

He did see, one day as he was plowing on the headland above the bay, her standing out on the rocks. The waves were crashing around her and she was crying and sobbing to a great gray seal out in the water. But he didn’t say anything when he got home that night. You see, he didn’t wonder that she should miss the company of her own people. 

And then one September evening, the air was warm and yellow with the dusk. The children were out running among the haystacks and their voices were carried into the kitchen where the woman was baking the bread.

Then she heard their voices change. She heard them shrieking and yelling and she ran out to see what it was. They came running up to her and they grabbed her hands. 

“Oh, you must come and see it,” they said, “It’s like a cat. Only, it’s much softer than a cat and larger too.” 

And they pulled her into the barn and there under last year’s hay, was buried her sealskin. 

The children ran off back outside, and she could hear them playing among the haystacks. Their voices were twittering like little birds. She could hear the sounds of the swallows, as they settled down under the eaves for the night. The chickens were already in their roosts, and now and then one of them shifted. And she could smell that bread baking in the kitchen. She turned and took a step back toward the door to go into the house.

And then the wind came, wriggling around the haystacks carrying on it a sound she had heard so many times, she never seemed to hear it at all. It was the sound of the sea, the great waves crashing far out on the rocks, the little waves racing up on the shore and slipping back. 

In an instant, she grabbed her sealskin and was running down the track toward the shore as fast as she could go. Her children were calling after her but she didn’t even hear them. She was gone before they knew what had happened.

Not long after this, the man returned from the hay fields and the children excitedly told him all that had happened. In the next instant, he too, was running down that track to the shore with all the strength and speed he could muster. 

He got to the edge of the water, just in time to see his wife far out in the sea with that great grey seal beside her. He called her to stop, to come back. 

Upon hearing his cry, the woman turned and looked back at the man. And then she said, “My Heart has always been in the sea.” Then she dove down into the ocean, and the great gray seal with her. She dove down deep into the fairy places. 

The man waited a long, long time for his wife to come back. The villagers tell stories of seeing her children walking along the shore and there out in the water a seal following along, barking at them and tossing them jellyfish and pretty shells and other good things to eat. But their mother never did come back to the land ever.

Joy & Liberation

I invite you to spend time with this story with Kind Curiosity. Allow the Story Wisdom to soak into your skin. Feel yourself called to your own fairy depths. Discover your wild nature, your Original Self and the liberation and joy that that brings you. I also invite you to consider the richness of her time as the farmer’s wife.

We have that time in our own lives, where we have been dutiful and diligent, caring parents, a faithful caregiver. We have been productive and we have not fought the bonds that hold us, that prevent us from reconnecting to our own wild nature. So I want to leave you with this thought in the coming days, spend time listening to the voices of your children, your imaginal children, the children within your inner landscape, who are laughing and dancing and playing and who want to show you something amazing.

I’m Zette Harbour. This is Love Lies Beneath. I encourage you to subscribe to this podcast. There’s so much more to this adventure, and I invite you to explore with me and discover your wild, inner landscapes as you make your way home to your Original Self. You can find show notes, resources, and even schedule a virtual coffee date with me at the website, LoveLiesBeneath.com. 

Go raibh míle maith agat!

Episode 21 Claiming Your True Identity with Lisa Kaplin

In her work with women, Dr. Lisa Kaplin hears many stories of some version of ‘I’m not good enough.’ She shares how her work is to help them first debunk that lie and connect with their inner genius. Connect with Lisa at LisaKaplin.com.

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon. 

Claiming Your True Identity with Lisa Kaplin

Transcript is an approximation of our conversation

Zette Harbour 0:02
Welcome to Love Lies Beneath. I’m Zette Harbour. I’m glad to have you here. Do you feel like stress, fear or pain take up way too much of your energy? Have you wondered if you’ll ever be free of that heaviness of your past? Do you long to feel as good on the inside as your life looks on the outside?

Zette Harbour 0:44
In this podcast, you’ll discover the story of who you really are, and how to set yourself free. Together, we’re going to travel into those wild spaces of our inner landscapes, and dive deeply into the rich soil of our lives, reclaiming Soul through Story and healing our Hearts. My book, Love Lies Beneath is the map. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss any of this enriching journey. And now, let the adventure begin.

Zette Harbour 1:43
In Episode 21, I share my conversation with Lisa Kaplin. Lisa is a professional certified coach and psychologist. I met Lisa while I was in the training program for the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching back in 2017. Lisa was one of our trainers. And she is truly delightful. I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did.

Zette Harbour 2:19
Hi, I’m Zette Harbour This is Love Lies Beneath. I’m Zette and today my guest is Lisa Kaplin, a gracious, deeply talented wise coach and trainer, who through her work shares her warmth, her insights and her wonderful sense of humor, which I have personally experienced, having been in trainings with Lisa. So welcome, Lisa.

Lisa Kaplin 2:42
Thank you What a nice introduction. Thanks.

Zette Harbour 2:44
You are welcome. I’m really glad you could be here.

Lisa Kaplin 2:47
Me too. Me too. This is fun.

Zette Harbour 2:49
Would you tell our listeners a little bit about you and the work you do?

Lisa Kaplin 2:53
So I’m a psychologist and a coach. The work I do now though, is is all coaching while all coaching and training and speaking so a variety of things. But mostly I coach people around what’s holding them back in life, what how they get stuck, how they can get unstuck and what they can do to to move forward? That’s kind of the short answer, but I do.

Zette Harbour 3:16
And I’m guessing stories have a lot to do with that.

Stories Hold People Back

Lisa Kaplin 3:19
Stories have a lot to do that. It’s funny you say that because it’s almost always what holds people back. The stories they’re telling themselves is often so it’s all about stories, but the the helpful stories and the unhelpful stories?

Zette Harbour 3:32
Yeah. Isn’t it really extraordinary that something is sort of ordinary? And almost, it’s so ubiquitous, that I think most of us don’t even notice that it’s there anymore?

Lisa Kaplin 3:42
Mm hmm. Exactly. Yeah, it’s it’s everywhere. And we don’t, until we’re like really conscious of the stories that we want to own versus the stories that are holding us back. They all just blend, right. And there are these unseen drivers on most of our lives for sure. unseen, unconscious and right. We don’t even we’re so caught in them that we can’t even see them yet. And that’s really what coaching does is it’s somebody standing outside of it saying oh, I see a story there that’s not helping you. Can we pull that apart a little bit and having that outside person who can look at it.

Zette Harbour 4:20
Right? We’re like story whisperers

Lisa Kaplin 4:23
I love that. Let’s just change the whole field. No more coaching. We’re story whispers

Zette Harbour 4:29
Well, we really aren’t like the coaches everyone thinks coaches are, right, the ones that yell at you from the sidelines and blow the whistle and yeah, we’re not so we are story whispers more. Yeah, I like to think of story as sort of thinking of like the goldfish in the bowl of water. The fish is swimming. It relies on the water for its very life for all of its nutrients and air and it has no idea what water is. If you said to the goldfish, what’s water they look at you like you were crazy, right? Because they’re in it. Right and they’ve just X ray survived using it. And that’s so true of us with our stories, we totally don’t notice them. But we rely on them to get us through our lives for, you know, nourishing us and also fueling us to move forward in life. Right? Right or holding us back, either one. So in your own journey, what stories have you encountered in yourself that you thought were just extraordinary doorways into a deeper relatio nship with yourself?

Lisa Kaplin 5:27
Just even the awareness of the external forces on us, I just wrote up a blog recently about when I was the year I was born, women couldn’t have credit cards in their own name, they couldn’t have a mortgage in their own name. And so much of my consciousness, conscious awareness comes from being a woman and looking at my mother, my grandmother, other women in the world. And what I thought was like, that’s, that’s not fair, or that sucks, to you know, what, what do we bring to the table? I think that’s, that’s been such a driving force for me. And now I have a daughter is 23, and a daughter in law who’s 28. And I think about that what they see in the world, it’s the stories of women really propel me, but also the stories of women have held us back not because women have held themselves back, but rather society, the stories about what it is to be a woman and what it is to be shouldn’t be a woman.

Zette Harbour 6:28
Right, what’s acceptable?

Lisa Kaplin 6:30
Right, exactly. And it’s been very, very limiting for men, you know, centuries really, right. Well,

Zette Harbour 6:37
maybe even 1000s. Even before that, exactly. Right. Right. Yeah. You know, to give fair, you know, equal airtime, I think men there are stories about what it is to be in man shred, you know, for, in some ways sound really wonderful, like, Oh, they could always have credit cards, right. But, but in fact, the there are plenty of stories that limit men’s ability to have the full range of experience. Right, right. Right, sharing emotions, talking about their feelings, you know, enjoying playing with children, you know, all the there’s enjoying cooking anything, you know, that we divided, so blatantly didn’t it actually makes sense for either gender, or any gender in between, by the way? Yes, that’s even even a bigger story is the story that gender has to be binary, that they’re exactly. Right. Which, which genetic says that’s actually inaccurate? Right. So Isn’t that great? You know, there’s so much science that actually supports the expansion and unpacking of these kind of rigid stories about us, right?

Lisa Kaplin 7:44
Yes, exactly. Yeah. And it’s exciting to be hopefully in a time where that starts to turn. And we can look at it all from a very different point of view.

Limiting Cultural Stories

Zette Harbour 7:55
Well, it’s wonderful to because even if you had a sense of it, like you were saying, you know, it sounds like your sense of the limiting stories around women in our culture, come from a long time ago for you, you know, the awareness that the year you were born, all these things were true about women the limitations, as we get older and have access to this really powerful scientific and research based information to enable us not just to honor intuition, shift our stories, but to combine intuition with evidence. It’s fantastic. The combination, so powerful. What do you think was the driver for you early on more of the, the intuition or the evidence?

Lisa Kaplin 8:35
I’d say external evidence? I’m not necessarily proud of that answer. But that’s the truth. I really listened to girls don’t do this. Girls don’t do that. Girls don’t have to go to college, girl stoned, you know, girls need to find a husband. And a big huge turning point in my life was when a typing teacher said, pulled me out of class and said, go to college, you’re so bright, go to college, and I listened. So it was external voices ultimate that that propelled the action that led me to start to believe the internal voice, but I think the internal voice was so not available at that time, that it was the extra voices that that pushed, for better or worse, right.

Zette Harbour 9:20
Well, I think that makes sense. You know, when we’re young and vulnerable, we really do have to trust that the information the stories we’re being given are true. Right? Exactly. Yeah. We don’t have the option to just get in the car and drive away. No, we did not. We did that. Yeah, so it’s really extraordinary. And I wonder too, because when we hear a story that is coming from outside of us, in some ways, I think it lands most powerfully because there’s a part of us that already knows that’s true. What do you think about that in this particular story?

Lisa Kaplin 9:53
I knew it somewhere in my if I like think about an inner genius. I knew it, but I didn’t believe it. You Because it’s just not what I was loving. But something so connected when she said those words to me. I mean, I literally went home and said to my parents, it was May of my senior year of high school and took not one placement test nothing. I went home and I said to my parents, I want to go to college. I took a placement test that Saturday, and I went, there had to be something besides her words that propelled that action to happen. But I don’t think I even realized it at the time that she tapped into something so ready to come out of me,

Zette Harbour 10:34
right? Because a seed can fall to the ground, but it’s not going to blossom. It’s not going to grow. If there isn’t something there to nourish it and the fact that you immediately took a test at like a week late, yeah, not even a week later, which is crazy. You can’t do that anymore. But yeah, the tight end, so I’m guessing that the soil was fertile. Right. It was ready. Exactly what happened? Yes. Yeah. And that is a beauty too. Sometimes all it takes is that one presence, that one person to hold that voice for that part of ourselves?

Lisa Kaplin 11:10
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. She planted that seed. And then that was it. And you were ready to go. Yeah, the trajectory from you know, if you did whatever movie was beneath Poucher, like two doors or something

Zette Harbour 11:20
like that? Oh, right, with sliding doors,

Lisa Kaplin 11:23
sliding doors, right like that. That is my sliding door moment, because one way was pretty clear. And the other way was the way I went, and the trajectory was so different.

Zette Harbour 11:34
That is extraordinary. Yeah. Reminds me of folktales. You know, I’m a huge fan of folklore. I’ve been a traditional storyteller for almost 30 years, and I’m does this sort of the love of my life or these folktales. And in every folktale you know, the heroine has that moment. hero’s journey. Yes, exactly. Yes. The magical being says, oh, by the way, you know, what I love about so for me, you know, I totally appreciate the hero’s journey. I However, having, you know, being a, you know, more of a feminist and, you know, storyteller. For me, I was always fascinated by the stories of the heroines, the women died, they, they did not pick up the sword and, you know, arm themselves to the teeth, and trudge out and slay the dragon, at least the stories that I’ve been drawn to like Rumpelstiltskin, or the handless maiden or the selkie stories, they, they really triumphed through connecting to their own wisdom, their own inner power, which they always found by going through their hearts through the right. Alright, so this story launched you into this whole new world that you did not even see coming. And as you, you know, really became the person that really, you know, was inhabiting this story. You know, what do you think changed for you? Oh, my

Lisa Kaplin 12:54
gosh, so much change. On the main thing that changed was my relationships with women friendships, I didn’t, I had some friends in high school. But I there was a separation a little bit, I was focused more on a boyfriend at the time. And I went to call it and broke up with the boyfriend fairly quickly. And at college and made really close, dear friends that are my still best friends today. And that like having surrounding yourself with women who support you, there’s nothing, just nothing better than that. It’s amazing. So and that has led to so much of the work that I do it, how I raised my children, all of it, it’s affected everything.

Zette Harbour 13:40
And that is a pretty turned on its head story about women relationships with each other, meaning you don’t often hear that. Well, I think that the story we sort of are, you know, and I just turned 58. So I was born in 63. And, you know, the story that you kind of saw in the media, television, whatever movies and read about in magazines, right? Women were always competing with each other. Yes, yes, exactly. We’re always competing to get the guy, right. To look the best have the best jewelry, the clothing, all these things. And so that was more of a story of competition. And so what I’m hearing is the complete opposite.

Lisa Kaplin 14:21
Yeah. Yeah, that’s true. I think that’s a great point that we’re we were fed that frequently. In, as you said, all different types of media. We were fed that concept yet. I didn’t. That was their competition. Yeah, like a fun healthy competition. You know, who’s got more kids who’s gonna get married first or any, you know, anything. But we still love each other despite the competition, and I think that’s what’s not played in in the media or wasn’t anyway, I think there’s been a turn on that. where, you know, women supporting other women has become more popular. Because that’s the reality. A lot of us want

Zette Harbour 15:00
to live in. Yes. And I think that we, you know, many of us have experienced directly how powerful that can be. And the evidence of that is is more important than this fairy tale. Right? Exactly.

Lisa Kaplin 15:15
Exactly. All right. And, and even, maybe I, I saw it, women who didn’t want that kind of relationship, they wanted a true friendship and connection and support. And so that’s what I surrounded myself with.

Zette Harbour 15:28
Yeah, and I’m hearing too, and I’m wondering, you know, what that felt like to you. But it sounds to me, like one of the key ingredients there is that the women must be those who really want to own themselves.

Lisa Kaplin 15:42
I feel like I surround myself with women, strong, powerful. I like for me to seek to be like them. And I don’t want us better or worse, because I’m not judging. It’s not a judgment. But it’s I just thought women that I was like, I want to be like that. I want to seek to that. I still do look for relationships like that.

Zette Harbour 16:04
I think you know, when I hear you use the word competitiveness, I feel like it’s also it’s it’s like growing beside one another, as opposed to pushing the other one out of the way. Exactly, exactly.

Lisa Kaplin 16:16
I didn’t feel that way. I don’t feel that way. Absolutely. Like I really celebrate. And I watch my friends celebrate me and I celebrate them. And I when I tell the story that one of the most powerful moments of the last few years was when my son got married, and I couldn’t wait to see my friends, their faces, you know, and celebrating with me like that was like, oh, love that.

Zette Harbour 16:40
Yeah, beautiful source of energy, right? Yes, exactly. I was like, Where are my girls, I got to find them. All of this that you gained from your relationships with women from that pivotal moment of recognizing that there was a path in your life, that meant you could really take ownership of yourself, right, working to college by discovering who you wanted to be in the world. And all of that, and the women that have become your circle of you know, support and camaraderie. Right. Yeah, during this time. So how does that affect do you think the work that you do with women, when you’re coaching them?

Not Good Enough

Lisa Kaplin 17:19
A big piece of it is helping them grab that seed, you know, that soil that so many of us back to your original point, and so many women I find have these stories of some version of I’m not good enough. That’s good enough, I’m not pretty enough. I’m not good enough. I’m not that enough. And so I feel like my work is to help them first debunk that lie. But what is it that I’m good at? What is it that I seek to do and bring to the world and helping them really, really own and connect with that? So you know, their own flower grows, whatever that looks like for them? It’s different for all of us. really helping them with the get rid of the stories like oh, they’re so draggy. If draggy’s even a word. But you know what I mean?

Zette Harbour 18:08
Oh, absolutely. You know, we all have the bat, they call it baggage for a reason. It’s hard. Right?

Lisa Kaplin 18:13
Exactly, exactly, is to take that baggage and and, and really connect with their inner genius, whether it’s relationships, or their career, or anything, their health, anything in their lives.

Zette Harbour 18:27
So what do you notice? Is there any one thing that really must change for them in order for them to start exploring these new stories?

Lisa Kaplin 18:35
I think the one big thing is to stop identifying themselves as a victim. And I don’t mean, because maybe they have been a victim of a crime or something to that effect. So that’s not what I mean. But to have them realize that they’re not at the effect of the their world, they’re at the control of it. And once they believe that they can be in choice, no matter what, no matter what crap goes on around them, then they have all the power. But it’s a big sell that everyone’s so open to buying that right now.

Zette Harbour 19:11
Right, because the evidence, you know, I mean, I myself I write about that in my book that, you know, there are facts, I can point to facts and, and people are lawyers. Yep. They’re all lawyers. Right? That shit happened. We know that difference that you’re describing is do so for me. It’s that layer of story that I put on top of it. Mm hmm. So were these people able to care for me and let me know that I mattered? No. The layered the story I layered on top as a survival mechanism was guess what that means? I don’t matter.

Lisa Kaplin 19:47
Exactly. Exactly. That’s the layer. Pull that layer off. It’s a lie.

Zette Harbour 19:53
Right. Right. It’s a lie to ourselves to survive.

Lisa Kaplin 19:57
Yeah, absolutely. Right. Yeah, no one’s gonna care about me. No one will care for me. I’m not good enough for this. And yeah, but here’s the evidence, Lisa. Yeah, this one. But here’s the evidence. And I’m like, here we go. No, but if the evidence is all part of the lie,

Zette Harbour 20:16
well, and the evidence is just neutral.

Lisa Kaplin 20:19
Right is right. If you take the judgment out of it, it’s there’s facts too often the evidence, but they’ve taken the evidence and then added that layer, as he said, which then makes it the big lie

Zette Harbour 20:31
the story.

Lisa Kaplin 20:33
Right, exactly. And then they live in that story. And then, of course, they live in that story, which then adds to the evidence. Right, it’s a Doom loop. Because if I believe that people didn’t care for me, because I wasn’t worth it, then I act as if I’m not worth it. And then it’s, it just feeds on itself. From there,

Zette Harbour 20:54
right? We do, we do look for evidence that our story we made up about the situation is true, because it helps keep our little bubble intact, totally dissolving that bubble. That seems so terrifying,

Lisa Kaplin 21:09
right? Right. If I dissolve that bubble, I’ll actually have to live into my greatness. And I’ll have to, you know, take some risks and be vulnerable. And I was listening to Glenn and Doyle’s podcast today. And she talks about, you know, if you’d call those layers off, you’re likely going to get annihilated. And you have to at some point in your life, say, Alright, bring down the annihilation. Otherwise, what what what do you have?

Zette Harbour 21:37
Well, and what we’re really talking about annihilating is the idea of who we thought we were, right? Because what’s down at the core is who you truly are. Right? And right, no amount of truth can annihilate actually who you truly are. Right? Right. Well, the annihilation in this in her example, was that if we, if we really own who we truly are, and we put ourselves out there, people could reject us. And that could feel like annihilation, but it’s not It feels like it in the moment, but right. And, and but if you don’t do that, you you risk nothing. 100%. And you’re right, we, when we start to take ownership of our story, ourselves, who we are, by shedding those layers of the false stories, we do put relationships at risk. There’s no question. totally right. Where am I? Right through upsetting the balance the equilibrium that was there? And therefore, yeah, some things will change, some relationships will go,

Lisa Kaplin 22:38
yeah. Or somebody, even a new relationship might not be new for long, it might not last, and it’s gotta be okay. At some point.

Zette Harbour 22:47
Well, I think the more I have taken ownership of myself, the more it is. Okay. So facing the fear of the destruction of the idea of yourself, I guess. Yeah, it’s scary. Absolutely. Because staying small, as you know, you know, saying small is very protective. We talked about it. And, you know, you are a certified AIPAC trainer, as well as certified coach, and I learned a good deal of my ipek training with you, from you. And yeah, those Gremlins that we talked about, right. On they’re alive and well, I think they’re alive and well, and they say stay small. Right.

Lisa Kaplin 23:23
Right. Exactly. They want to protect you. So stay small. So it makes sense that they say that, but it doesn’t make sense to actually do that, as adults. Right? Yeah, that’s

Zette Harbour 23:33
a great way to put it. It makes sense that they say that, because honestly, they’re trying to protect us. It comes from a place of love. But it doesn’t make sense to live that way. Because it keeps you small,

Lisa Kaplin 23:44
totally, totally. And then you don’t accomplish the things you want to accomplish, or take the risks that you want to take. And yeah, and then you’re disappointed.

Taking A Big Risk

Zette Harbour 23:53
So what do you think just if you have an idea, or if it comes to you, what’s the biggest risk you’ve taken in your life? Do you think

Lisa Kaplin 24:01
It probably was to walk away from a eight year doctoral training $100,000 psychology degree? And say, No, I actually want to be a coach. That was a hard one because it’s hard to ignore your side costs. Those are some big side costs. And I love I love therapy. I love psychology. I use the concepts in my world, but when I chose to not follow that path anymore, other psychologists look to me like, Oh, really, you know, there’s so there was, there was some fear in it. It was it was the right thing for me. And then I’m so glad I made that decision.

Zette Harbour 24:40
Yeah, but I can imagine how crazy people must have thought you were

Lisa Kaplin 24:45
totally but in a psychologist, you went to call that school. And I had worked in the field for a couple of years, but I i it just it wasn’t calling to me anymore. And I was trying to force myself into it and I wasn’t feeling it. They thought, you know, this, it’s okay. It’s okay. I, no one can take that education away from me No one can. Even if I don’t practice therapy, it doesn’t matter. I, this is the route that’s calling me and I went with it.

Zette Harbour 25:15
Yeah, I can imagine that that is a big crossroads in life. You’re turning away the prestige of that. I mean, not that you aren’t you still, as you say, you have all the education, but in a sense, you you were declining the identity.

Lisa Kaplin 25:27
Right, right. Exactly. Yeah, there’s a very different, different way to take it. And again, not regretful at all. But it was a it was a scary jump.

Zette Harbour 25:38
Oh, 100%. I think a lot of people can relate to that. Yeah. And I think there are probably a lot of people who maybe didn’t make that choice and feel really like they have less spaciousness in their life because

Lisa Kaplin 25:52
of it. Right? Right. You see people who say, I have golden handcuffs in the corporate world, or maybe even other therapists or medical people, where if nobody committed to this, this is what I got an education and they feel they have to stay. And that makes sense. I understand those fears I lived in them. And it also makes sense at some point to say, but this this isn’t working.

Zette Harbour 26:16
Yeah. When it what I’m hearing is you you had exercised your muscle of choice in the opposition of sort of long held long standing beliefs that others had. Right, that that day, that teacher told you go to college. Right. Right. And you knew the the results that that could bring you the rewards. Right.

Lisa Kaplin 26:37
Exactly. Exactly. Well, and that is often when you take a big scary move, maybe the ROB saying, Oh, sure. Oh, maybe maybe don’t do that. That sounds like really risky. So it’s it is it’s a scary

Zette Harbour 26:52
jump. Yeah, cuz you’re risking not just your identity, but also perhaps your financial future. Hmm. For sure. I

Lisa Kaplin 26:59
didn’t know I didn’t know what this look like, really, at the time I took a risk being a therapist is you could pretty much count on a what an income looks like. And it’s a nice income. And so that was a risk. My husband was like, wait, I don’t understand, like you. Were you did eight years of graduate school. And I was like, Yeah, I know, I get it. And yet, this is the way I think I know I need to go. It

Zette Harbour 27:22
sounds like a really strong connection to your deep inner wisdom.

Lisa Kaplin 27:26
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I’m really, of what I love to do. And the methodology of it made perfect sense to me. It just really resonated. And so I was like, well, this makes sense. So why would I do this?

Zette Harbour 27:40
I’m certainly grateful, because you’re an awesome instructor and trainer. Yeah, that’s, you know, that’s where I really discovered your warmth and your insightfulness and your sense of humor.

Lisa Kaplin 27:52
Thank you. Thank you. Okay, coaching, I feel like also, it fit my personality more, I felt like at least how I was trained as a psychologist was more of a blank slate. And it just didn’t come up first, or just not a blank slate. I tried. But anyway, I found that that one said, who I was in the world as well, beautiful.

Zette Harbour 28:17
Well, I am so grateful that you shared these stories of awakening to and really embracing these places in your journey where you you became more of who you’re here to be.

Lisa Kaplin 28:29
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I was a pleasure. It’s really fun to share those stories, sometimes even talking about and you’re like, Oh, I get that. That’s interesting. You know, you may realize it,

Zette Harbour 28:40
I agree. That is the power of telling our story. Right? You know, we sort of assume Oh, I know all that. Right. But then you say that lot. And you go, oh, there’s more to it than that. There’s all these nooks and crannies. Always Yeah, I like to think of it actually is like going on a nature walk, you know, and so you can’t let’s just say you know, a day hike out in Yosemite or something. And, and you come back and you go, oh, was amazing. You know, I saw that I saw these trees. I saw the mountain I saw this. But if you really sat down and took someone step by step through what you experienced that day, you would come away thinking, Oh my gosh, that was life changing.

Lisa Kaplin 29:20
Right? That’s huge. I went over running water. And I you know, jumped at this one part and my ankle twisted a little and made all the things that could go with that. Yeah, that’s a great point. There’s little little nooks and crannies, as he said,

Zette Harbour 29:33
right. And I think as coaches that’s part of what we get to do for our clients is take them on those hikes and let them you know, if they’re ready to just sort of go No, I started here, I ended there. And that’s the end of the story. And we can say, Well, what about that path over there?

Lisa Kaplin 29:47
Right? Well, that’s often what they don’t see. They put blinders on. And they don’t really like well wait, you actually had to take that path and go over that bridge. And you you actually You had a job and you were scared of heights. What about that? Oh, you’re right. I did do that.

Zette Harbour 30:09
Yeah. So really being able to claim the treasure and the richness of the experience. Mm hmm. And celebrating themselves for the moments that they had there. Yeah.

Lisa Kaplin 30:19
Right, for sure.

Zette Harbour 30:20
Yeah. That’s the fun part, isn’t it?

Lisa Kaplin 30:22
It’s the best. I love it.

Zette Harbour 30:24
Yeah, me too. Well, thank you so much for being here today and sharing your stories. And I hope our listeners, you know, if they’re poised on the precipice of making that any of those kinds of decisions that you share with us today that you have inspired them the way you inspire me. And you’ve inspired all so many of us in the iPEC training program, as well as your clients and other areas of work. I know you’re a busy woman.

Lisa Kaplin 30:50
I’m busy. It’s good. I like being busy. I like it. I’m blessed and grateful.

Zette Harbour 30:55
I so appreciate you putting this interview into your schedule. Thank you.

Lisa Kaplin 30:59
My pleasure.

Zette Harbour 31:00
You can contact Lisa and learn more about her work. At her website, LisaKaplin.com. And there you can catch her blog. Her writing is as delightful and enriching as she is.

Zette Harbour 31:22
I’m Zette Harbour. This has been M. I’m so glad you could join me today. For show notes and other resources. Go to LoveLiesBeneath.com and be sure to subscribe to this podcast so that you do not miss a single step on this adventure as we explore our inner wild landscapes and hear stories from other adventurers like Lisa. Go raibh míle maith agat!

Episode 15 Look Into The Rumpelstiltskin Mirror

Rumpelstiltskin tells us that those feelings of tenderness and vulnerability make possible the transformational energy that takes the straw of our lives and turns it into great wealth. The story lets us see that Rumpelstiltskin only appears after the weaver’s daughter has given up hope and begins to cry. Look at where in your life this mysterious and creative energy has shown up. 

Subscribe to this podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and many more.

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon. 

Look Into The Rumpelstiltskin Mirror

This story is a map for you to navigate experiences where you felt betrayed or put into an impossible situation where something was expected of you that you could not do or be. Look at the weaver’s daughter and be open to seeing yourself. Spend some time writing about those experiences using the weaver’s daughter as a model. 

  • How does it feel to be demanded upon and even have yourself put at risk? 
  • Are you willing to find compassion for that tender, vulnerable self that is sometimes at the mercy of a foolish father?

The influence of the king is key in this tale. He provides the pressure that makes it a life or death situation. The weaver’s daughter would never have been driven to despair without the king’s threat. This is just like some of the stories you may have about yourself. 

  • Where in your own life does this king energy of ultimatums or pressure show up, and how has it motivated you? 

Look for and find the king within you who doesn’t value your life unless it’s able to transform something ordinary into something extraordinary. 

  • What part of you feels like you only deserve to live if you can make mountains of wealth? 
  • How have you felt when some part of you or someone else only found you valuable if you produced what they wanted you to? 

Think back to moments of frustration, hopelessness, and grief. This is the path to feeling compassion for yourself and others. It is somewhat common in our society to disdain the vulnerable. Even as we may want to help them and sometimes feel sorry for them, we really never want to be them. Identify the stories you have about yourself when you were at the effect of others and felt vulnerable. 

  • Do you use words of kindness and compassion toward yourself?
  • Are you able to accept that everyone is vulnerable and at the mercy of outer influences at some time in their lives? 
  • What have you discovered about yourself when you allow those feelings to be acknowledged?

Rumpelstiltskin tells us that those feelings of tenderness and vulnerability make possible the transformational energy that takes the straw of our lives and turns it into great wealth. The story lets us see that Rumpelstiltskin only appears after the weaver’s daughter has given up hope and begins to cry. Look at where in your life this mysterious and creative energy has shown up. 

  • What times in your life have you felt tender and vulnerable?
  • What transformative energy appeared in those moments?
  • What were you willing to give up to it to produce the gold?

Coming Heart to Heart with your vulnerability, grief, and transformation are essential as you step into your place as the queen of your life. 

  • Are you conscious of the times where the straw of your life has been spun into gold? 
  • Look back and identify the wealth that has come to you through your experiences of vulnerability and grief.

Becoming queen of your life means that you take authority and power over the conditions of your life. It doesn’t matter if you are a man, a woman, or non-binary; you can step into this sovereign place within yourself. From here, you give birth to the art that is your life. At some point, you will come face-to-face with that mysterious, transformative energy that made all of this possible. At that moment, you will be asked to pay what you owe.

As with the queen in the story, you, too, will be offered the chance to keep your child. You will do this by naming the part of you that came to your aid in your greatest time of need. It’s pretty easy to think of Rumpelstiltskin as the bad guy in this story. He’s strange, he appears greedy, and he wants to steal a child. Yet, the truth is that without him, no treasure is possible. 

He is the most important ingredient in the story. In fact, without him, you would have died long ago. If you feel like you are ready to step into your place as the queen of your life and name this powerful friend, this story can help. Let it be a mirror in which you discover yourself.

  • Invite the characters to join you in a conversation filled with curiosity and a willingness to see yourself and your life in a new way.

As you travel within your inner landscape, drawing upon the story of Rumpelstilskin as your guide, look for the signs that Love lies beneath even the painful or unpleasing parts of yourself and your life. While Rumpelstilskin’s magical ability to spin straw into gold may never quite be explained, you can trust that if you spend time with your grief and fear, you too will receive the wealth of your life.

Episode 14 The Rumpelstiltskin Of My Life

The Love that lies beneath every painful story I carry with me is the source of what I tell myself as a way of managing betrayal, abandonment, disappointment, and despair.  This Love doesn’t wish me to suffer. It understands that these distressing experiences look and feel like the villains of life, yet, they are a valuable part of the journey toward becoming my full self. I have learned that when I dive down into the depths of any hurtful, negative, or limiting story, I can find the Love that lies beneath it. When I connect to that Love, I reclaim more of my Soul, which heals my Heart. 

Subscribe to this podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and many more.

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon. 

Transcript

all transcripts are approximations of the conversation

The Rumpelstiltskin Of My Life

Zette Harbour 0:02
Welcome to Love Lies Beneath. I’m Zette Harbour. I’m glad to have you here. Do you feel like stress, fear or pain take up way too much of your energy? Have you wondered if you’ll ever be free of that heaviness of your past? Do you long to feel as good on the inside as your life looks on the outside?

Zette Harbour 0:44
In this podcast, you’ll discover the story of who you really are, and how to set yourself free. Together, we’re going to travel into those wild spaces of our inner landscapes, and dive deeply into the rich soil of our lives, reclaiming Soul through Story and healing our Hearts. My book, Love Lies Beneath is the map. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss any of this enriching journey. And now, let the adventure begin.

Zette Harbour 1:41
In Episode 19, we will look into Rumpelstiltskin as a mirror. I’ll read a passage from my book, where I share how Rumpelstiltskin became such a powerful inspiration and guide to reclaim my Soul and in doing so, heal my Heart.

Rumpelstiltskin Reflections

Zette Harbour 2:13
In my early life, I experienced a lot of abandonment and betrayal. It began at the age of four and carried on throughout the remainder of my youth. I lost my own father with no explanation and no comforting of my grief. Instead, he was replaced by a man who would be a danger to me from age six to 15. This man molested my sister and me. I was six when I first learned that my life was now in the hands of an abuser. It was terrifying, and overwhelming. For the next nine years, I walked along the edges of every room I was in. I felt like a rat, for whom the open spaces were unsafe. I got caught a few times to be sure. But my older sister bore the brunt of it.

Zette Harbour 3:07
When she turned 18 and moved out, I believe that my time was up. I felt like there was nowhere to hide anymore. At 15, I was old enough to feel like I had some ability to help myself. I knew from another friend who was in the foster system, that there was a group of people whose job it was to protect children who were in abusive situations, just like me. I decided to take action inspired perhaps by heroines like the bionic woman or Charlie’s Angels, I would do the right thing. I made a risky plan to miss my bus at school and instead, go to the Social Services Office. I decided that my best chance of getting out of the chaos and danger in my home was to go and ask for help. naively, I believed that if I showed up and was honest, as much as I could be, they would do the right thing. Instead, the social worker decided that I was a spoiled brat trying to get out of doing chores. That’s the message he got for my stories of alcohol-fueled violence and child abuse.

Zette Harbour 4:23
I had been his last appointment of the day and I had no way to get home. He offered me a ride at a crossroads about two miles away from my house. He told me that making the turn to drop me off would take him out of his way. Would it be okay to leave me at the gas station there? Could I get a ride the rest of the way he wanted to know. And then with the autumn darkness descending, it started to rain. So there I was alone, disappointed, and scared. My last hope of refuge seemed to be gone.

Zette Harbour 4:58
Like the weaver’s daughter. I was caught in someone else’s lies. For instance, the story was supposed to be that my mother and new father were there to take care of me and keep me safe. We were to act as a good family, go to church and be respectful and obedient. It was maddening to feel like I was still expected to be a polite child, a good student and a thoughtful daughter, despite the toxic underbelly of our home, everyone in that house was caught up in the lie.

Zette Harbour 5:29
And I had no idea how to spin that shit-covered straw into anything, especially not gold. One of the messages I took from my mother and stepfather’s behavior was, you are not as important as our needs. I adopted that mantra and denied my worth and needs for as long as I could. This was a story I carried and lived out for many years. My vision of myself was narrow and stingy. My way of being was the unhappy result of my way of seeing. Marian Wright Edelman said it beautifully. You can’t be what you can’t see.

Zette Harbour 6:12
Much later, as I worked with my very talented and generous therapist, Joanna Verhaar learning about Jung and Campbell. I also discovered revolutionary thinkers like Barbara Walker and Riane Eisler. They opened my perspective to see beyond the fear, pain, and anger I felt about those powerless years, I expanded my choices for who and how I could be, along with this more spacious point of view. When I step into the story of Rumpelstiltskin, I could also see another quite different perspective. I felt the weaver’s daughter’s pain as she is betrayed by a foolish father, seeking to make himself important. It is not what literally happened to me in my life. Instead, I can relate to that part of myself that yearns to feel and be seen as important. There is an aspect of me that is willing to risk the safety and well-being of my tender, vulnerable self in order to make that happen.

Zette Harbour 7:18
I also felt what it was like to sacrifice my youthful feminine energy to the king’s greed. He wants treasure more than any other thing. He is willing to kill for it. I too have held my own tender self hostage in the service of being what I believed I should be. My desire to measure up to what others thought was valuable, held greater power over me than loving my authentic self.

Zette Harbour 7:48
Having rediscovered the story of Rumpelstiltskin, I felt my mind and heart bloom with hope. Here was a pathway I could follow, to spin the straw of my life, even the parts that had horseshit on them into rich treasure. Even better, I could take my place as the queen of my life, and bring my greatest gifts to the world. When I spend time in the story, I understand that, like the weaver’s daughter, I was clueless about how to spend the ordinary stuff of my own life, the straw, into the richness of wisdom, represented by the gold. It took my own hopelessness, surrender, and grief, to call upon the mysterious force within me that is Rumpelstiltskin. He is the energy that enables me to transform the ordinary, into the transcendent, is spinning makes it possible to reclaim my soul, which heals my heart.

Straw Into Gold

Zette Harbour 8:54
Within me, I have all of these characters, the father, the king, the daughter Rumpelstiltskin, the messengers, and the queen. In doing so, I become intimate with parts of myself that have been hidden from me. They come to life, take form, and deliver insights about myself. They allow me to express feelings and beliefs that previously had no words. As I do, I give myself permission to see and be more than what I had learned from others I should be. I discover that to claim my own power of creation, represented in the story. By having a child I must first transform the straw of my life into gold. In this way, I become queen. For the straw to be spun into gold, I must first be betrayed and had the king demand that I perform the transformation. I must feel utterly lost, give up and cry. I must connect to my grief.

Zette Harbour 10:02
It is in this moment of being present to this grief, that I make it possible for the mysterious, powerful force of alchemy and creativity to come to my aid. That’s when the little man comes in. This story allows me to see that I must be willing to pay the price to access this amazing transformative energy. In the end, I must agree to give the most important thing up to it. Even before I know what it really means to do so. It teaches me that sometimes I find myself in situations that demand more of me than I know how to give. I feel threatened and perhaps betrayed, but do not fully know what is at stake, I will feel forced to comply. Even when I do not know how to it will require the help of some unknown part of me, at least at first. And then when I’ve achieved my ultimate union and creation, I have to name this mysterious being to keep my child the child represents my creative contribution to the world. If I can name that which made it possible for me to spin straw into gold, I can keep my most treasured creation. as Queen of my life, I am a beloved sovereign with ownership of my inner lands treasures.

Zette Harbour 11:36
When I face the threat of losing my child, I am now painfully aware of what it will cost me. If I succeed in naming that which enabled me to become queen and Mother, I transform it. And in doing so, all of the bounty of my life is truly now mine. Because I am the queen, I have the power to put my messengers to work on my behalf. For instance, when I experienced betrayal in my own life, I found myself threatened and overwhelmed. Only when I was older and felt able to face my pain and fear did I enter what would feel like a palace’s safety in allowing myself to feel my sadness and face my stories, mysterious and powerful energy showed up within me.

Zette Harbour 12:29
This was the source of my own alchemy. It did the spinning for me. Much later, I still did not fully understand how the magic had been done. But much of the straw of my life had truly transformed into gold. Those early painful experiences were the straw that became the wealth of my life. While I did not necessarily consciously know how it had taken place, I knew that it was possible. I could be assured that if I stepped into that room, spent time with my straw, and gave permission to my grief, gold would be the result.

Zette Harbour 13:09
It is normally taken for granted in the story, that Rumpelstiltskin is a villain interested in getting what he wants, no matter the cost. And yet, he is the very catalyst needed to create the transformation that brings about the happy ending, everything Rumpelstiltskin does is in service to my awakening and becoming without him, some part of me would have died. And I would never have taken my place in my own life as Queen. He is the reason I was able to birth into the world, a living creation, which is the gift I am here to give. Only in naming him can I truly keep my ultimate creation, the art that is my life. Now, I believe I know the identity of that magical energy that showed up for me, demanded payment and finally called me to name it.

Zette Harbour 14:09
Its name is Love. This Love lies beneath every painful story I carry with me. It is the source of what I tell myself as a way of managing betrayal, abandonment, disappointment, and despair. To be sure, I am not saying that it wants me to be or feel hurt. Like Rumpelstiltskin, it wants me to live happily ever after, in an abundant, loving, wealthy life. These distressing experiences look and feel like the villains of my life and yet, they are a valuable part of the journey toward becoming my full self. I have learned that when I dive down into the depths of any hurtful, negative, or limiting story, I can find the Love that lies beneath it. When I connect to that Love, I reclaim more of my Soul which heals my Heart.

Zette Harbour 15:16
I want to leave you with this thought. Think of the times in your life when you allowed yourself to open your heart to your grief and sadness. What did you experience in those moments that gave you the power to transform, to spin the straw of your life into gold? It may have seemed invisible, it may have seemed like something you aren’t able to name, and yet, the truth is, it is within you always. And you can name it so that you can call upon it any time you need.

Zette Harbour 15:58
There will never be a time in life where we do not experience some stress, fear or pain, grief, betrayal, disappointment, frustration. All these things are part of our human landscape. It is not that we are seeking a trouble-free life as Thomas Moore said in Care of the Soul. What we are seeking is a richer, deeper transformative experience.

Zette Harbour 16:30
So I invite you to let Rumpelstiltskin be your mirror. Let this story be your teacher and your guide as it was for me. Give yourself time to look into this mirror with kind curiosity. And in doing so you will find the story wisdom and you will transform the straw of your life into gold.

Zette Harbour 16:59
I’m Zette Harbour. This is Love Lies Beneath. Please subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss a single bit of this adventure. You can also visit LoveLiesBeneath.com for show notes, resources, and a link to set up a Virtual Coffee Date with me. I’d love to talk story with you. Go raibh míle maith agat!