Zette

If you find yourself feeling frustrated by the clutter of other people or bumping into the emotional, mental, even physical clutter of another person, and it’s causing you to feel bruised and tender, perhaps even knocking you down, that lets you know that you have this furniture within you. Because what you see as the other person’s responsibility or the world’s responsibility is actually just showing you that it exists within you.

“Look deeply and with kind curiosity into these mirrors of your own Soul. Embrace and appreciate the wisdom they hold. Listen from that still place in the center of your being. Hear the call of the Love that lies beneath beckoning you to come home.”

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Subscribe to this podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and many more.

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My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon. 

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Transcript

Transcripts are approximations of the conversations

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Welcome to Love Lies Beneath. I’m Zette Harbour.

I’m glad to have you here. Do you feel like stress, fear, or pain take up way too much of your energy? Have you wondered if you’ll ever be free of that heaviness of your past? Do you long to feel as good on the inside as your life looks on the outside? In this podcast, you’ll discover the story of who you really are and how to set yourself free together.

We’re going to travel into those wild spaces of our inner landscapes and dive deeply into the rich soil of our lives. Reclaiming soul through story and healing. Our hearts. My book Love Lies Beneath is the. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast. So you don’t miss any of this enriching journey. And now let the adventure begin.

In episode 34, we begin Part III of my book, Love Lies Beneath. It’s called. Get Real.

Part III: Get Real

You may think to yourself, ‘wandering around the land of Story may be all fine and good for a professional storyteller, but how does this apply to my real life?’ While they may seem archaic, folktales are valuable allies in expanding the possibilities for who and how you can be. They bring powerful archetypes alive, and as they do, your own mythic wisdom is awakened. Your Soul will draw upon whatever imagery is available to her, and these powerful storehouses have stood the test of time.

The first and maybe the hardest step is that you must accept that you are the one with the power to change the stories you tell you about yourself, the world, and your place in it. None of the rest of this process will make sense or do much good unless you do. This requires a total makeover of your mindset. This set of beliefs about what is or is not true will need to include the idea that you do, indeed, have the power to determine your stories.

Second, it is essential to understand what these beliefs are. The fear that surrounds them is actually part of the protective mechanism they serve. It is easier to banish what you fear. At one time, getting them away from you was the number one priority. When something hurts, the smart thing to do is to put distance between you and it. Put your hand too close to a flame; you will get burned. You do not want to get burned, so you make sure the fire cannot reach you. It was the smartest thing your child mind could do at the time, and I acknowledge you for it.

Unfortunately, there was a cost, and there was no way for you to know it at the time. The price for the very limited yet desperately needed safety from this emotional fire was that you had to twist your idea of who you were. To do this, you had to lop off anything within you that seemed to get in the way. Your Soul understood this and willingly took the hits. You see, Soul is the storehouse of the Story of You. It is the complete, unabridged edition of your true Self. Think of it as the Director’s Cut.

Fortunately, even though it may not always feel true, your Soul cannot be destroyed. Not even a bit of it. It can be banished, buried, and shunned. But it can never be killed, and it will never abandon you. 

Your Story, Your Stuff

You can also think of this work as inner decluttering. If you have ever let your closets, drawers, or even a spare room fill up with clutter, you know how uncomfortable it is to go in there or to try to find stuff. You are less likely to want even to open up or enter that space. Unfortunately, there are real treasures buried in there, along with all of the useless junk. When you retrieve them, your whole life is made richer.

Learning to live by your own story is like cleaning out your closet. It will require you to empty it, lay all the pieces out before you, try them on for size, discard the ill-fitting or worn-out ones, and then organize what is left. 

How To Get Rid Of Your Internal Clutter & Chaos

Originally published for my column, Successful Awakenings on OneIdeaAway.com 

You are a palace.

And within you, there exist an uncountable number of rooms. In each room, there are many pieces of furniture. Some of them you inherited. Some you picked up yourself. Most of them, however, arrived without you knowing about it. Now, because of this clutter, when you move through the outer world, you may find yourself tripping over the furniture of your inner one.

This collection of furniture is usually scattered about without rhyme or reason throughout your palace. As you enter one of the rooms, you see that the furniture may be piled up in a heap. There may be a large piece blocking the doorway, making it difficult to get in or out. There is probably something bulky and unattractive placed right in front of a window blocking a view that you would really love to be able to see. This furniture has the power to either make your life easier and more fulfilling, or it can give you scrapes and bruises as you bump up against it. 

Unless you have the chance to clear it out or put it where it makes you happy, it will continue to block your way. Moving through your life with enjoyment and ease will remain difficult. In becoming who you are today, you collected an unlimited number of stories about who you are. The various cupboards, bookshelves, dressers, tables, and armoires of your inner world are those stories. They became the furniture of your inner palace. 

They help explain the kind of world you believe you live in and your place in it. Some of these stories are helpful, energizing, and loving. Many of them are not. A good number of these stories were passed down to you from family, culture, or education. They seem to have always been there, and you may not even be aware of them. Unfortunately, this does not stop them from causing you stress and trouble.

So the question is, what do you do with all of this furniture?

A few possibilities can bring more satisfaction and ease to your life in dealing with your inner furniture. You can take a full inventory of all of the rooms that you are aware of. You can start by choosing a particular wing of the palace, like personal relationships, and look in those rooms. Get to know what is in those spaces. What is in there that seems to get in your way?

Note any patterns in your life that seem to show up again and again. You may be surprised to see that what you thought were very different causes of discomfort actually share a common thread or root. Maybe you notice that you feel boxed in when it comes to intimate relationships. That is an indicator of a cluttered inner space. The emotional bumps and bruises you are experiencing seem to be caused by the other person. 

In fact, when you actually take a look at what is behind the door of this particular room, you will see that you have a cluttered and chaotic inner space. With such a haphazard maze of internal furniture, it is no wonder you keep stumbling and bumping up against sharp corners and hard edges. The Herculean task of sorting through and clearing out all of it can seem overwhelming at first. That is why it is important to allow yourself to be patient, compassionate, and loving toward yourself. 

You did not accumulate all of this furniture overnight, and you will not sort it all out in one go, either. It is essential that you begin with the awareness that this will be a process. This work can go deep, and you will find yourself feeling things you had not for quite some time. It is natural to reconnect to the original emotions that were present when that furniture was delivered. The stories you are clearing out may be quite dusty and even moldy. Give yourself the support you need by practicing good self-care as you work through it.

With each adjustment to your inner palace’s clutter and chaos, you will see increased flow and functionality inside and out. Be sure to celebrate your successes as you go because that will enhance your energy and commitment to continue. Over time, you will see that there is real joy in the process, as well as the resulting spaciousness and clarity of your life.

A New Lens

What sort of furniture do you bump up against or trip over in your daily life? You know, this furniture always looks like it is the other person or the situation or some external forces at work because our own inner clutter is invisible to us. And I think, you know, I can relate to this and probably many of you as well.

If you’ve lived with people or another person, you always notice their stacks of papers, mail, books, junk, before you notice your own, it’s always more frustrating to see someone else’s piles of stuff and to notice how much it is in your way. So that really offers us a pathway, a mirror in which to see ourselves.

If you find yourself feeling frustrated by the clutter of other people or bumping into the emotional, mental, even physical clutter of another person, and it’s causing you to feel bruised and tender, perhaps even knocking you down that lets you know, That you have this furniture within you, because what you see as the other person’s responsibility or the world’s responsibility is actually just showing you that it exists within you.

And it’s hard to understand that when you don’t have any sort of way to put on the right kind of lenses that let you see your inner clutter. Carl Jung said it really well. The things that bother us about other people are always something within ourselves that we haven’t yet faced and dealt with. So to start just trust that this is true.

That the next time you feel like you just stubbed your toe or got a scrape or a bruise on the furniture of your life and you look up and you see someone and you think it must be their fault. Allow yourself for just that moment to listen to parts of your body. You know, usually it’s not going to be in your head.

It’s going to be maybe in your chest, maybe shoulders, maybe your digestive area, maybe lower in your belly or your pelvis. Maybe it’s going to be in your legs or your feet. Your body will share this wisdom with you and start to guide you toward the truth about where this clutter is coming from. And then a story will appear in your mind.

And the first thing you’ll think is that story doesn’t have anything to do with this moment right now. And so I invite you to. Be curious, bring that Kind Curiosity and ask yourself if this story that’s showing up for me right now, actually is sharing some wisdom with me about my own inner clutter. What might that be?

And giving yourself the room to explore the possibilities without committing to, uh, this being a hard truth or a definite no, allow it to be a place of curiosity, exploration, and most importantly, nonjudgment. You don’t have to get this right. And you’re not going to get it wrong. As long as you are willing to tune in to these deep reservoirs of wisdom that are your sensory intelligence and your emotional intelligence.

And once you learn how to really restore the connection to these powerful sources of wisdom and information, without the need to attach some story and turn that into a thought that has feelings. You allow this wisdom, this information, this sensory intelligence, emotional intelligence, you allow it to bring you to a place of greater awareness.

It Must Be Them

So when you find yourself looking at some experience that you’ve just had and it caused you stress, fear or pain, and you want so very much for it to be the other person’s fault because it makes sense. They’re right there. They must have caused it. And it’s normal to feel that way. And yet, if you allow yourself to imagine the possibility that this is a message from your Deep Inner Wisdom, from your Soul and she is opening a doorway and showing you a path back to wholeness, a way to come home to yourself. And as I wrote in the book, it doesn’t happen all at once. If you’ve ever tried to declutter an area in your home or garage, that’s been cluttered for a long time. Pace yourself.

Be kind, be gentle, hydrate rest. And most of all, remember, it’s supposed to be a journey, not a flip of a coin. You do not immediately go from being right to being wrong or from being wrong to being right. The most valuable way to begin to look at. Your world and your place in it is to recognize that any stories that you installed, any clutter that you have within you was constructed and placed there out of a deep, deep love.

This is the evidence that love lies beneath, everything..

I’m Zette Harbour. This is Love Lies Beneath. I hope you’ll subscribe to this podcast. I love having you with me on this journey. You can visit love lies beneath.com for show notes, for any of the interview episodes, there are links to my guests. There are resources. You can download a free excerpt to my book, Love Lies Beneath, and you can also set up a Virtual Coffee Date with me.

If you’re curious about how to begin your inner decluttering so that you can move through the landscape of your life and not have these inexplicable, unexpected and unpleasant bumps and bruises, and even being knocked down by what comes into your life? 

Go raibh míle maith agat! 

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You’ve wandered in life and wondered if you’d ever feel like you’d found your way home to yourself. Knowing the purpose of the journey and the gift of not having found your true home is revealed in this simple, beautiful story. “Look deeply and with kind curiosity into these mirrors of your own Soul. Embrace and appreciate the wisdom they hold. Listen from that still place in the center of your being. Hear the call of the Love that lies beneath beckoning you to come home.”

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Subscribe to this podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and many more.

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My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon. 

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Transcript

Transcripts are approximations of the conversations

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The Child Of Salt

Welcome to Love Lies Beneath. I’m Zette Harbour.

I’m glad to have you here. Do you feel like stress, fear, or pain take up way too much of your energy? Have you wondered if you’ll ever be free of that heaviness of your past? Do you long to feel as good on the inside as your life looks on the outside? In this podcast, you’ll discover the story of who you really are and how to set yourself free together.

We’re going to travel into those wild spaces of our inner landscapes and dive deeply into the rich soil of our lives. Reclaiming soul through story and healing. Our hearts. My book Love Lies Beneath is the. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast. So you don’t miss any of this enriching journey. And now let the adventure begin.

In Episode 33, I share a story from my book called The Child of Salt. It’s a short, simple tale. It is a profoundly rich and deep mirror within which to see yourself. It shows the path to finding your way home to yourself.

There was once a Child made completely of salt, and she longed to know where she belonged.

So, she journeyed around the world, up to the highest peaks of the mountains, then down through the valleys, and into the cool darkness of the forest. She even traveled across the most barren, sandy, hot deserts, but nowhere did she find where she belonged.

Until she came to the shore of a great ocean.

“Ahhh, how marvelous,” she said, and she put one foot into the water.

And the ocean beckoned her to come deeper.

And so step by step, she entered the ocean, and with each step, she began to dissolve. 

And finally, when she was so deep that her head was beginning to dissolve, she said, “Ahhhh, now I know who I am.”

Exploring The Child of Salt

There is such simple beauty in this short tale. I found it in a luscious book called Stories of the Spirit, Stories of the Heart by Christina Feldman and Jack Kornfield. I count this book as one of my treasures.

In this story, I see myself yearning, for as long as I can remember, to know where I belonged. Like the Child, I have traveled to many places. These are the different chapters of my life. Each one has its own wonder, beauty, and even pain. They each tell me a little about myself, but none of them tell me where I belong and who I truly am.

As I wandered through the territories of my life, as a young woman, a wife, a mother, a divorced single woman, a storyteller, a coach, and so many more, I saw new sights. I experienced the different climates of these places. Each one had its own trials and joys. It seems to me now that they were essential to me reaching my final destination precisely because they were so different. The fact that none of them were where I truly belonged added to texture to who I was.

Having trekked through them, I have been given powerful gifts in the form of questions. 

What might my journey have been like if I had not had to use every ounce of strength I felt I had to climb to the tops of the mountains in my life? 

How was my life made richer for having to feel lost in the cool, dark forests with legions of trees, making it impossible for me to know if I was heading in the right direction? 

What did I discover within myself as I wandered in the desert, parched and thirsty, left alone with only my Heart, Soul, and Mind?

Less challenging in the valleys, did I celebrate or procrastinate the next leg of my journey? Did I wish that those were where I belonged because they were comfortable and undemanding?

I learned how others might be from the forests, deserts, mountains, or valleys because of my travels. It became clear to me that we all can be at home in or belong to different landscapes. In the end, I am grateful I did not come upon the ocean on my first attempt. The gifts I received while being lost and still hungering to come home will keep me nourished and warmed forever. 

Dogma

Learning our story is just like the child of salt finding her home. When you observe that place and consciously choose it, you will also come to know who you are. To the uninitiated, dissolving into the ocean may look like the loss of the self. In truth, it is what makes oneness with your true nature possible. It creates self-knowledge that allows you to merge with a more powerful reality and experience deeper fulfillment. 

Having a story is like having a car. You can drive to some great places, or you can fall asleep at the wheel and crash. So, you see some beautiful vistas, some engaging sights, and you crash – most of the time without knowing why. We call this ‘life happens.’ Understanding how to see the story of your life empowers you to choose where your trip takes you. You may still crash, but you will have a better idea of why and become more adept at choosing how to avoid it.

Culturally, we have not been taught about our Story nature. It is much more common to be instructed in dogma. This becomes the model for our own way of seeing and thinking about ourselves. The difference between having a story or living by dogma is the difference between breathing oxygen or breathing carbon monoxide. 

Story liberates you. Story opens up choices. Story inspires authenticity and self-empowerment. Story maximizes choice and self-direction. Unfortunately, too often, we think we are creating Story, when it is really dogma.

You can recognize dogma by its limiting nature. Dogma occurs when we forget that all of our stories are merely the best interpretations that our minds can muster in the face of the unknowable. All stories are metaphors, and if they are not, they are dogma. Details drive dogma. Story rides on powerful themes, emotions, ideas, and imagery.

Will there be details in your story? Yes, definitely, but the details will not be the drivers of your story. The details will be changeable. If they are not, how can you travel through your story to your ultimate destination? It is the themes of your stories that power the engine of your life.

An important quality of Story is that it takes investment. You will not be able to rely on someone else’s idea of who you are. The work of coming to know your story is sweaty, spiritual-calorie burning, awareness cardio, thought yoga. You can think of it as Story Aerobics. Through your’ own good care’, you will sculpt the story of you that gives you the most energy and satisfaction.

It requires that you first make a choice. Decide that you will set out on this journey. You might have thoughts like, “Do I really want to know the truth of who I am, because when I do, I’m going to have to live up to it?” Trust that the security of having others decide for you will be replaced by the vitality and alertness of designing your life on your terms.

Look Into The Child Of Salt Mirror

You have been following the call to find where you belong. It has taken you to all sorts of landscapes. You have met a variety of beings along the way. Some of them have been pleasing, others not so much. All of them have value and are a part of what makes your journey meaningful.

Perhaps you have never found a place where you finally know that you belong. Like the Child of Salt, it is your desire to find and lose yourself completely that powers your journey. It may feel like discomfort, tension, or irritation. Isolation and despair can be common feelings for those who do not realize the quest they are on. This is why being fluent in your own story, and knowing how to seek the Love that lies beneath is essential.

The Child in this story does not doubt that she belongs somewhere. It never occurs to her that the need for the journey is in any way a hardship. This story tells you that you also must seek and return to where you belong. It is okay to wander a bit and, in fact, appreciate the wonders of the landscapes in which you find yourself. 

Take some time with any of these questions that call to you. What you discover will be the varied landscapes of your story. Allow them to guide you on your pilgrimage. What you find will serve you in your journey back to where you belong.

• What are the landscapes you have traveled to, and what do they mean for your journey back to oneness?

• How have these different places in your life shaped you?

• What does your return to the Source look and feel like?

• What do you think it means for the Child of Salt to dissolve as she finds herself having finally reached her destination?

Come Home To Yourself

Spend time with this beautiful story, The Child of Salt. Let it speak to you about your own journey, your own wanderings. Those times, where you felt lost, or even hopeless. Those times where you may have despaired. We have all felt like we did not belong. It’s such a natural experience, especially when we are young and vulnerable.

We are thrust into a family landscape and it’s filled with people who have expectations of us. Those people probably don’t even themselves understand those expectations. And yet when we fail to meet those expectations, the sensations of stress, fear, and pain are sharp and intense, and it isn’t until we have traveled far and wide and seen a variety of landscapes and experienced a variety of conditions that we begin to trust that not meeting those expectations was not a measurement of our worthiness.

It was not an indictment of who we are. And so understanding that the stories you may have collected about yourself because of those moments of not meeting the expectations of these people upon whom you rely for your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing, those stories were survival tactics, some of them were deep and enormous and scary.

Others are just bristly and uncomfortable. No matter where those stories fall on the discomfort spectrum, you have the freedom to see through those stories, to your true nature. It is in experiencing those stories, reclaiming the part of you that willingly sacrificed herself in order to save the most of you.

And to welcome her back home to you, let her know that you understand. That was the best she could do at the time. And in fact, it was from such a place of great love that you feel such gratitude and love for her, and that it’s safe for her to come back now. In the coming days, map out the various landscapes to which you have traveled and describe the kinds of conditions and experiences you had there, how it felt, what it made you think about yourself.

Track these stories and these landscapes and allow the richness of your journey to nurture and nourish you to give you strength as you return to wholeness, as you come home to your self. 

I am Zette Harbour. This is Love Lies Beneath. Please subscribe to this podcast. I am so grateful to have you on this journey with me.

You can also find show notes and other resources at LoveLiesBeneath.com. There you can see links to the guests. Find any downloadable resources and you can also arrange a virtual coffee date with me. If you are ready to step into your ocean.

Go raibh míle maith agat! 

We are each born with a divine spark and no matter how painful our early lives have been, it shines within all of us. My guest on this episode is healer, Radavie Riom.

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Subscribe to this podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and many more.

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My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon. 

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Transcript

Transcripts are approximations of the conversations

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Divine Spark with Radavie Riom

Zette Harbour: This is Love Lies Beneath. I am Zette Harbour and my very special guest today is Radavie Riom.

Radavie is an instrument of spirit and understands that we’re all here to awaken from the illusion of our human condition. I met Radavie on a networking event online and our two hearts just found each other immediately. And so it’s a real joy to share this conversation with Radavie today. Welcome. 

Radavie Riom: Thank you so much.

It’s really. Juicy spicy to be with you again. Excellent. And with your audience,

we’re here to serve others and to share that whatever it is, we know what, whatever it is. 

Zette Harbour: A lovely thing is we never know who’s going to catch it. And for whom even one word or one sentence might awaken something in 

Radavie Riom: them. Absolutely. Absolutely. 

Zette Harbour: Yes. Tell our audience about you and 

your work.

Radavie Riom: Where do I start? I’m going to start from the beginning because I really want people to really get that where we are is not where we started from.And where I started from was this frightened little girl who felt different in her family and withdrawn because my mother was the greatest teacher in the beginning.

What do I mean by that? That’s where, that’s what I had to work through. My, my difficulties with her and The things she said to me as a little innocent girl, that it was frightening because as children, we are multi-dimensional we know, and we sense a lot more that we have forgotten how, when we are adults, what we already knew.

And so I was very withdrawn and I resented her alot. And what I did was to walk away as I got older, I walked away from my childhood or maybe, when I did, was hide her in the closet and just pretended she did not exist. And I never talked about my childhood, not ever with my children, nobody ever heard about my childhood, but in a mystical time.

And I call it that very mystical, I was going through a very painful relationship. At that time. I had separated from their father, my husband. And so I had this relationship that. It was like, I found my father cause consciously I was looking for my father. I thought it was perfect.

And of course I was in love with the idea, you know it, and it does it. Of course it didn’t last, it wasn’t ever meant to last. And I was devastated that I wanted to hide under the smallest little place I could find, like under the bed and in that mystical moment, my child stood in front of me eyes.

I was sad. I was shocked. What are you doing here? I said, I don’t want to see. And really said that. And for three weeks she stood there, looking me straight in my eyes. And there are times when I got very angry with her, but by the end of three weeks, no conversation occurred and knew that I had to connect her with me.

And I didn’t know how to do that. I found a woman who did massage and some other stuff that was directed to somebody from my oldest spiritual circle. And and she said, this is going to be very easy for you because you want to say. We just relax and breathe and whatever comes up in your mind, just let me know.

And I saw immediately something came up and I said, you’re really to myself. You’re really joking you want me to tell you, somebody, I really don’t know that. What came up this deep shame? And there was the other part of me that said you came here for something you cannot live without it. It was so clear that was my soul.

I think you, you are here for something, if this is what it takes, you have to. So I quietly told her about 20 minutes after she patiently was with. And I told her that I was sexually molested when I was five, because that’s what came up. And it was, seemed so ordinary to her that I said that, and I couldn’t believe that she wasn’t shocked and what happened.

And it was, this was a pivotal point. Is that my expressive. The emotions came up. I started to cry and because I wasn’t naturally intuitive and psychological in that, it’s natural for me. I went home and I knew that what I had to do was to connect my emotions to my memories. That is what needed to be done.

And so I went into my own self healing. For a long time. And what I discovered is that through the experiences of going through my, is that I got to understand the human conditioning because I knew we all have the same emotions. We just have different stories. And then became very compassionate to an on to really understand people and the psychology of it.

I think we are here very importantly to, to look at the psychology the emotions and the spiritual aspect of ourselves, because that’s what we are being. Beautiful, what a beautiful story of such a, 

an awakening that’s full of such grace. 

And yet I 

Zette Harbour: am sure that it didn’t feel 

Radavie Riom: good. It was. It’s a good thing that I was accustomed to cry.

Cause as a little girl, I used to cry a lot, but the beautiful thing is that I got to the place where. I could feel it now. I honest, I know what was happening. I was taking more into my soul’s blueprint. I was gifted the gifts that were awaiting me. We all can come in with the gifts and it was handed to me and I’d be there and to become a lot more intutitive empathy, oh my.

And I got to realize that this was my soul’s contract. This was an agreement that I had. So I had so fast forward here, going back. I said, who I am today is, I am so grateful for my mother because without the pain and without what happened to me as a child, I would never be. So share and support others in the most loving, compassionate way that I can not, because I remember I that pain and those experiences in spite of my medicine.

Absolutely. Yeah. And that’s why I really encourage people. Something happens to you as a child and you don’t lock it away. Believe me, it is my personality before I released it was not very not like I am today and my children, when they were much younger.

And how they can talk with me now about who I am today. Cause we’re really friends, but

and there’s nothing to feel ashamed about her. I don’t feel, oh my God. It’s so horrible. I understand what it’s like when we don’t release our emotional past. I understand that really well. I lived it. Oh yes. And 

Zette Harbour: You’re not alone. We all either have lived it or are still 

Radavie Riom: living and living it.

Absolutely. Yeah. And 

Zette Harbour: I actually liked to talk about those parts of ourselves that we chop off and bury I like to think of them as 

Radavie Riom: zombies and, 

Zette Harbour: So I say to this part of me as a young child who has a very vulnerable mind 

Radavie Riom: and 

Zette Harbour: really doesn’t have a lot of resources and feels pain. And so my mind says, look, that’s painful, it’s chopped up piece off and stick it outside, just shut that front door and don’t ever let it back in, but it is a zombie in the fact that it just wanders in front of my house for the rest of my life.

And every time I open the door, it tries to rush in along with all the other zombies. And so that’s why I feel like by the time I reached, early forties, There was so much intensity of pressure, even for the smallest bit of stress, fear or pain. Cause it was as multitude of past rejected parts of myself that were pushing on this doorway, trying to come home to themselves, come home to me.

And when I learned that I could look at that zombie and say, I see. I embrace you. I appreciate you. And I love you and wrap my arms around her. And also, 

Radavie Riom: yeah, that, that was 

Zette Harbour: the key to restoring all those dismembered parts of myself. And you’re a hundred percent, when we don’t have access to the fullness of who we are.

Radavie Riom: We cannot live 

Zette Harbour: a life that 

Radavie Riom: expresses that. I lived that person. I lived that person. We both experienced that. And those disconnected parts, we’re still connected with them because that’s what is holding the pain. And if we’re we, the interesting thing is we have embodied all of what we have.

Put aside those zombies, the memories, I still imprinted here in our bodies. It’s really funny. And so one of the beautiful things is that when I work with my clients and I go back to the past and find a piece that is still left behind this. And integrated that’s the child. And then Blessed that they can speak to me and I can see call that other is as a child and some of them are pretty awesome more than their level and and bring them back into full integration.

And I want to be sure that I hear them. That part of them can have conversations with that smaller part when they leave and to continue doing that and offering the love that they never had. So that, that is yeah. And they come on by easily for me, for some reason. Oh, that’s powerful work so that 

Zette Harbour: when you come to you, that’s the kind of work you’re able to do with them.

You help them restore their connection. As you say, we still have that connection. We feel it’s almost like Phantom limb pain. And so you help them bring that back home to themselves. And I’m curious if you find this too. All those parts, particularly because they are from that really original, beautiful, childlike self.

When we bring them home to us and restore them. That’s where so much of our creative and vibrant energy actually 

Radavie Riom: comes from. Doesn’t it? Absolutely. And what are the things are that wanted to the own? Is that when you find yourselves? No, because many times people are saying what’s my soul’s purpose.

And I commonly say, what did you love to do as a child? And many times I’ll just go with that. However, when you feel a passion about something that you can’t put it down, that’s your soul’s agreement. This is what your soul wants you to experience. And that’s where your creativity and your passion comes.

And okay, I’m getting it. And this goes back to the child. This goes back to the time because it child always had that essence, that, that was more aligned with the mind, the soul consciousness, the multi-dimensional aspect. And in the book and the book that it’s not, once you unveil and it’s important, we unveiled those childhood conditioning and what we’ve hidden or locked away or pushed out the door.

We begin to open this lack of pattern, a flower that begins to open and what we are, what is left behind there is gone is the essence that you are. And that essence is your innocence. It’s what they have told me that they’re not a wounded child. They have a defined spot. That’s really beautiful.

Yes. That 

Zette Harbour: the idea of that divine spark ever, truly being able to be harmed is isn’t something that we think, but we’re mistaken in our 

Radavie Riom: thought or yes. And that is why they are. So every information that I messaged from them was from a really one word that’s coming to me is like a bleeding heart. They really.

Want to express an expose and be in the world, but their current, because we’ll live in from the believer. 

Zette Harbour: And it’s those beliefs. And for me, I have, I’m about almost 30 years as a traditional storyteller and I love folklore. I think it’s just so powerful and captures so much in the human experience.

So when I hear stories from clients or friends or family, or even myself, I hear that these epic themes of human experience and. When you talk about beliefs, to me, those are those stories that we’ve agreed, we would carry about ourselves, right? 

Radavie Riom: And those 

Zette Harbour: stories can either, chain us to the darkest, deepest, 

Radavie Riom: coldest cave at the 

Zette Harbour: bottom of the ocean, or they can watch us to the 

Radavie Riom: stratosphere.

And to me, the most beautiful story is when you have moved from sorrow to joy it’s cause we’re here. We either the soul, I here to grow and evolve and to experience, grow and evolve. And when we do that, we have less judgment. Less different with stop looking at the differences between us and others.

And we start to feel the similarity and that similarity doesn’t come from a physical form is, comes from the heart space that we connect with someone else. And that is so beautiful. 

Zette Harbour: Yeah. And that’s where that recognition that we are all divine sparks. And I love the way you say it. Tell me and listeners how you see every one of us has a divine spark, how we’re connected.

Radavie Riom: So the divine spark is from the one flame of the divine consider. It’s the essence of Warsaw. It’s a very essence of ourselves, we have come in with things to work through and to work out and to become much wiser from the experiences because that’s what happens. The more we go through this experience experiences.

Wisdom. We’re places the pain, that’s just what it is. And don’t, we all want to be wise. Don’t we all want to have this knowingness to come through us more than for my thoughts when I think this is right then I think, and knowingness that comes through us. So the divine spark is really. The essence of full-year on once we get to that spot, we spike it.

Just thinking there’s something I wasn’t the kitchen. And they were downloading and getting a download and run to my office and I’ve got to get the book to write. I don’t want to share that with you. I would say this space and this has got to be part of my book.

I don’t know. Yeah.

I may have to put it out there trying to say, oh, can we

always speak? And I was speaking about the book and to myself, because I’m always talking to someone here. Alright. So whatever I said, it said. I thought you would never ask. Yes. You turned away from me, but that had a remarkable effect and how much it awakened your understanding on all the height to the past pain and bringing me into fold in your heart.

And so you see, we are aspiring. So as of consciousness that is necessary to be released from the bondage of emotional pay, we have much to Amanda about the spike. Us has a direct link to God, spirit, whatever others choose to call source just as a little. Thank you. How beautiful. 

Zette Harbour: It’s exciting to know that there is a book on the way.

I think it’s so much sense that your experiences, your insights, your wisdom, your heart, that what you have come here to share, be available to folks in a way that they can access easily. 

Radavie Riom: This is just spot of myself. And I thought if I don’t do it, someone else out there will find it. But. After a while.

I got it. Understand the first foundation was here, the wounded child, like I did for many years. And and the next thing is to show me the next step, the next layer. And that was what it does. That was really healing. What I was really healing was unveiling the divine spot. Yeah. 

Zette Harbour: It’s so important that we all tell the story of this power and beauty in the core of who we are in our own particular language, in our own with our own flavor, own energetic sort of imprint, because there’s so many different people out in the world, and we don’t know who needs to hear it in the way that you very specifically share it, as opposed to the way someone else might.

I really acknowledge and celebrate that. You’re following that call to share this. 

Radavie Riom: I have to, I think when we get the feeling, all of us when most data action, because it can only happen through your movement. It’s not going to happen any other way. And by the may, you said when you were 40 that’s when it started to happen with me too early forward.

The reason I was called to me that piece is about the emotions and what they talked about, how necessary it is to release their emotions and. We have a lot of people have no idea what the value and the wisdom is underneath there. The pain that wants to really lift that. Oh cool. They are there.

It’s just what a beautiful mystery to unfold.

Yes. And 

Zette Harbour: it’s all the flavor and texture and a robot that helps us awaken to our nature or these experiences and some flavors. Aren’t very good. And you take, oh, that’s gross. I don’t like that. However, it is still a flavor. And that gives you information about yourself and your experience, 

Radavie Riom: something that’s coming to me to really say to the audience. Many times, your men have wanded by someone, a family structure, but consider the possibility that you have come to experience that, to bring you a lot of humility and compassion towards other people. And forgiveness is why the pickers.

Most important thing that we can do to release it, because what is what’s trapped in here is what. Okay. I’m here in the black, in the view of the light. Oh, I 

Zette Harbour: love that imagery. Absolutely. I often describe it as, having a whole house inside with the, unlimited number of rooms inside of us.

And each room is a place where we. Our experiences and our stories and some of these rooms, you open the door and there is some furniture blocking the view. And you don’t even know how that furniture got there. Maybe it’s really ugly are more. And you’re thinking, where did that come from? I don’t even like it.

And you probably inherited it right from your fans. So then I invite my clients and myself to to say what do I want to do with that are more, do I want. Move to a different space in the house where it serves some value. Do I want to take it out in the backyard and set it on fire too? I want to put it on the 

Radavie Riom: sidewalk with a free sign on it.

You know that what inheritance. It’s really one of those things that we still connect with the ancestors and many times, I, I find when I’m guided for the client, I said this, you’re still, you’re here to heal the past. Your ancestors, your mother’s mind, your mother’s Lantus. Consider how much are you here?

You are here today to support the collective of the past. It’s such an honor, mad, when we continue to live in blame, we’ll never get to see the value of why we’re here and the pain, that movement. Yeah. 

Zette Harbour: That’s an important. Emotion to talk about. And it’s really in more of a feeling I learned recently about this distinction between emotions and feelings, emotions are those raw 

Radavie Riom: textures 

Zette Harbour: and feelings are the things we think, oh yeah.

I think that story means this. And then we feel this about the story and yeah, so we’ll, we can tap into our emotions. Really love ourselves back into wholeness. We do create multi-generational healing in all directions. 

Radavie Riom: Absolutely. And and if you’re a parent you’re also supporting your children to 

Zette Harbour: yeah.

And that’s the best way to support our children is to really deal with our inner clutter. And I just want to, I don’t know if you can hear my little dog.

Radavie Riom: Is it, that is, I don’t 

Zette Harbour: know if it’s coming through, but anyway right now, but so if you hear that’s just him. That’s fine. 

Radavie Riom: Citing. He wants to go out your companion. So I have two, one of them she’s very 

Zette Harbour: quiet. The other one he’s he says what he wants, 

Radavie Riom: but 

Zette Harbour: yeah. Yeah. I’ll edit 

Radavie Riom: that out. 

Zette Harbour: Beautiful.

I am so grateful that you have shared so much of your experience, your awakening and this exciting new book that you have coming out. What, where do you think this book will 

Radavie Riom: take your word? I already see him without the future already been shown. I’m going to have, as in workshops, out of it, maybe a specific piece of the book, already being shown.

And really what people to, to get to know. I like here, I had shut my divine spark up because of what I was holding. And here I am, as one who had cleared enough of my veils to be sitting there as a defense in front of them, this is my whole passion to support people to change. So more will come to me about what I’m going to do with.

But it’s not just to go out there. And so a little bit about supporting people through part of the book and, cause the book is going to have a lot of end user. What happens to us? It’s going to help part of a lot of my stuff. What I ended up in the bar in general, what happens is you’re trying to learn what happens in purification.

What happens in when you actually awakened? So it’s a book that is a little bit more than a third dimension of a book. Tell me more about that.

One can only write from where they are. One can only serve someone from where they are. As a child, I am allowed the word God, at four years old, I went to Sunday school and I heard about God and Jesus, but they told me that God was in. And I used to look a lot, whereas Hammond, but I grabbed on to that feeling was so grand for me that God has become a tapestry in my life because I found out that God really wasn’t up there in heaven.

Heaven is here within us when we unveil we think we are. Oh, and believed self. And to awaken to the truth of what is here is not who is here. There’s no who it is or what is here and what is here with a divine spark and the consciousness of. A more heightened frequency of consciousness that, I’m beginning to see things from another level of not my dark look what’s going on in the world is becoming aware of it, but not affected.

So when you get to a more awakened state, There’s less emotions. Now I talked about going through your emotions, which was very necessary, but you go to a place where there is no identification that is having an emotional response to what’s going on out there. 

Zette Harbour: Yeah, I do understand that. It’s that we may have a sensation.

Let’s say I’ve heard something and it’s a story of some loss or sadness. And I can feel that sensation of the grief. However, I don’t take it further and create a story about myself in a way that turns that story into a belief that I carry around with me forever. So I feel like what I’m hearing you describe, and let me know if this is true, but you have the sensations of the thing, the raw emotion of it, but it doesn’t get clogged up inside of you.

Yeah, it’s able to move through you more freely. So you experienced the connection to the other, to the experience, to the world, to the person you’re hearing about, but you don’t take it on as some part of your inner 

Radavie Riom: furniture. No. And I, as you were talking, I’m being shown does consider a child learning to walk, follow that you really get hurt.

Probably break your arm. That’s what it is about. Moving through the pain and identifying with, oh my God, I don’t know how to do it. And then we continue to grow up. But the important thing is to let go the memory of when you felt, maybe somebody told you were stupid because you made a mistake.

That wasn’t about you. That was about them because I wear there and then come, the unkind to me, it’s a constant unveiling of the identification and the separate self. Like you were talking about knocking out all these pieces out there did separate selves. We have to really get to that point of recognizing them separate.

So we know when those separate selves come up because we have an attitude or we have a reaction and we can stop and say, okay, what’s going on in me? Why I had a reaction to that? And this is such a beautiful way for self reflection. I always say I have to be naked in front of myself in my eye. I’m not leaving anything covered over.

And there was a time when I was extremely sensitive to lean tone. Something that I thought was a judgment. No. I want to know, when I want to know, because I am always looking for correction. So we get to a place where less identification is there and you knew will. When Les identification, what does that mean?

I have less than an opinion about what is happening, less reaction and okay. And so we’re going through a pandemic because now we’re at 2021. How are we looking at that? Are we sinking into th the trauma of. Oh, are we looking back and say there could be another higher reason for it? It doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of compassion for people who have been in physical pain and touches my heart.

But here is another piece then I see it’s bringing up people’s stuff that was latent inside. And all the fear and the chaos that people are going through. It’s not just about that. It’s the opportunity that has caused. So everything to me is an opportunity. And I always say that nothing bad ever happens to us.

And I know that’s a horrible thing for people to say or what I mean about that. When you, you invited the feeling of it and you work through that and you find the wisdom of why that happened. Oh, there’s something that’s coming to me. And one of the times when I was my internal went away, Stuff. I am, I know emotions.

I don’t want to wait. So I am in, I made a I went to lunch with the partner that I had at that time, and I never forgot my launches right there in front of me. I’m sitting at the chairs like a snapshot and immediately I was shown the golden light around me that the everlasting love was always here. I really want people to know that doesn’t matter what pain you’re going through.

There is low that can never be destroyed. And what love that is that consciousness. Absolutely. And and that. It’s the most confident thing that one, when they’re going to pay love is always here that can never be taken from. That 

Zette Harbour: is so beautiful. That’s 

Radavie Riom: actually why I named my book love lies 

Zette Harbour: beneath because I I learned through my own work and through working with clients that when we see those stories, like you were saying, if it’s stress, fear, or pain, causes that to me, those are invitations to follow a certain pathway.

Radavie Riom: And when we. Yeah. And when we trust that the 

Zette Harbour: stress, fear and pain are actually indications they’re allies, then 

Radavie Riom: we follow the pathway. And what we find is that 

Zette Harbour: somewhere in the center of it love, created the story that ended up being painful for us, but it was just as a way of making sure we found our way back.

Radavie Riom: Absolutely. And that book really resonate with the fee experience and the feeling that I just talked about love is underneath and it’s always there. And now 

Zette Harbour: it’s the spark I recognize in you at, when we met on that networking, that zoom meeting. Because I heard you describing the very same thing in different language with different, energy.

Yes. And beautiful. And so that’s, what’s very exciting for me is to share these conversations with others who are telling you. Beautiful story of better. So true. That is really the story of who we truly are. Remembering who we really are. And learning to see that the experiences we have in life, even if they are stressful, fearful, or painful are genuinely allied.

Calling us home to that beautiful to nature. 

Radavie Riom: Absolutely. Because if we’re filled with own, everything is fine. Life is good. Life is always good. It’s so wonderful. We don’t have anything we want to change. We never go deeper to unveil fully, really. And so all of those discomfort comes forward to unveil to go deeper.

Let’s say for instance, for me, I can look at that and say, I grew up and I had a mom who loved me fan good and secure and all of that with with my mother and my family. Cause I always felt different. Honestly, Lizzie. I don’t think I ever would be here where I am within my sense of me. I would love her.

Zette Harbour: Yeah, absolutely. I like to think of the oyster and the Pearl that the oyster only makes a Pearl and there’s a piece of grit. 

Radavie Riom: Oh, yes. Yes.

Zette Harbour: So we are the oyster and we get to be the Pearl, but not without. 

Radavie Riom: That’s why? I am so 

Zette Harbour: grateful that you have spent this time with me. It’s just been lovely and just very enriching to have this beautiful conversation. I’d love for you to tell anyone who’s a singer, how 

Radavie Riom: they can find you.

All right. So my name is , so it’s severely simply. dot net is my website. And when you go to my website, front page has an invitation for 20 minute complimentary discover guidance. Please take it, click on that. You go to the page where you can fill out whatever it is you want. And it comes back to me to my.

We set up a time to do that and you’d get to see, what my clients have said. They all have had their own different experience. Expressions. I have a lot of testimonials. I haven’t even, haven’t been calling to ask to get me a testimonial because several pages of it and people get an idea.

And there’s something else I do that I even mentioned. And it’s a quantum healing and quantum healing is about working with your shockers on a shark was, is so special. To me is a vortex of light that connects you to source. That’s why the everlasting love is always here. We connecting there’s no disconnection.

So anyway, the vortex is, are connected with your energy bodies. So a lot of times we remember from our subconscious, but unconscious is where most of the stuff is left there as when we’re there though. And those are the keys to really break out of. So when I do quantum healing, I am able to see all the energy bodies they unconscious too.

So to me, I always said, this is very revealing. And as a matter of fact, I have a client in Belgium. Does it speak much. And and so her husband has been there to interpret for her, but I’m really called. I said, look, we don’t have a short session. I’m going to go do some healing for her. And I find, I begin to feel that it’s going to be a much, much better way of working with.

There is nothing there. The only thing that’s there, I, her energy field. Yeah. 

Zette Harbour: That’s very exciting. Absolutely. So I thank you for sharing that. So it’s Radavie R a D a V I e.net, right? 

Radavie Riom: Yes. Yes. Are you going to put it down to. Yeah, I do include it in the show notes.

And I’m really loving having this conversation with you. It’s my favorite type of conversation when, coming from the depths within.

Yeah to me too. And that’s what I love 

Zette Harbour: about this podcast. And having guests is sharing these moments where we’re really coming heart to heart. And a friend of mine in the Netherlands said that they use the phrase belly to belly. And I love that too. 

Radavie Riom: Oh. It’s like when I help people, I always have hard to hide, most people there, most people.

To talk on the opposite side and it’s just no, 

Zette Harbour: Me too. I learned that many years ago and yeah, it, you have to warn people a little bit with your body language that you’re going 

Radavie Riom: that way. Yeah. But somehow I get the feeling, they learned something. Yeah, absolutely. 

Zette Harbour: In our hearts communicate in their own way.

In fact, there’s a science that shows that literally can measure the energy field of the heart. It’s 15 feet.

Radavie Riom: Yeah. It’s its own brain. Yeah. Yes. 

Zette Harbour: Again, thank you for being here and I am excited to share this with my audience. I’m excited to know, when you do get the title of your book, please let us know. I’ll include that in the show notes, with the leak to the page. And I have been to your website and your story is beautiful and so powerful.

So I encourage folks to take a look at that and really learn about your pathway. And then I did read many of the testimonials and saw the video testimonials from your clients, and it’s just so enriching and heartwarming. To hear them and see them. So I do encourage folks to check back out. It’s really worth it really feeds the heart, nourishes the heart to visit your websites.

So thank you for being here today and I’ll look forward to our next time together. 

Radavie Riom: Yes, indeed. Then really enjoyed being here with you and spending time with you and your audience. And I took her. Yes, whenever we are calling 

Zette Harbour: a hundred percent.

Even a simple story can be a rich source of wisdom. “Look deeply and with kind curiosity into these mirrors of your own Soul. Embrace and appreciate the wisdom they hold. Listen from that still place in the center of your being. Hear the call of the Love that lies beneath beckoning you to come home.”

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Subscribe to this podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, and many more.

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My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon. 

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Transcript

Transcripts are approximations of the conversations

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Truth & Beauty

There was once a man who had everything. He had a successful business, a wife and children, and his health, but still, he was not happy. He was deeply unhappy because in his heart there burned a question, “What is Truth?”

He devoured all of the books that he could find on religion, ethics, philosophy, and spirituality, and nothing in any of those books eased the burning in his heart.

So, he sought out all of the wise beings that he could find, and he asked them the question, “What is Truth?” 

None of them could give him an answer that eased that burning question in his heart, although someone told him that Truth lived high up in the mountains far, far away.

The man realized that what he must do was go on a pilgrimage. So he sold all of his possessions, he released his wife from their marriage, he bade farewell to his children, and with nothing but the clothes on his back, he went out into the world seeking the answer to the question, “What is Truth?”

His pilgrimage took him far and wide, across vast plains, deep into forests, and high, high up into the mountains. There, in a clearing in front of a cave, he came upon an ancient, bent figure crouched over a cauldron.

He walked up to this venerable old being, and he said, “Are you Truth?”

This primordial soul slowly turned and looked at him. It was a hoary aged woman. Her skin was so deeply wrinkled it looked like it had a million rivers running over it. Her eyes were rheumy and red-rimmed. One was nearly swollen shut. Her nose was covered in festering sores. Her teeth were green and rotted. Her hair, what little was left of it, was stringy, grimy, and greasy.

She creakily swiveled her neck around and looked up at him, her welcoming smile unhesitatingly exposing her disturbing grimace, her one oozing, good eye twinkling and said, “Yes, I am Truth.”

“Oh please,” said the man, “let me live with you. Let me live with you so that I can learn all there is to know about what is Truth and finally be able to ease this question that burns relentlessly in my heart.”

The old woman quite agreeably accepted. The next morning and for many mornings after, the man awoke with her, and together they went through the day, she showing him all that she knew. Day after day, month after month, and year after year, until finally, one morning, he awoke to find that his heart no longer burned with the question. 

With immense relief and joy, he realized that he had finally learned all there was to know about Truth. He had found the answer to the question, “What is Truth?” His heart and he were free.

He knew that it was time to return home, so he went to say farewell to the old woman. He told her, “Thank you. I now know the answer to the question, “What is Truth?” You have eased the burning question that I carried in my heart, and I am free. You have given me so much, and I would do anything to repay you. Is there anything, anything at all that I can do for you?”

She turned and looked up at him. Her one good, oozing eye sparkled, and her cracked red lips split open, revealing her green, rotten teeth. Every wrinkle on her face deepened into chasms, and she brushed a string of greasy hair back as with great eagerness she said, “oh yes, yes, there is one thing you can do for me.”

“When you return home, and when they ask you about me, tell them I am beautiful!”

Exploring Truth and Beauty

I love the old woman. I love that she is breathtakingly ugly and terrifyingly ancient, yet she has an ageless inner spark and sense of humor. I love that she has a twinkle in her one good eye. 

I love that it is in living by her side that Truth becomes known to the man. She does not explain things to him. He does not have to study and learn things. To me, this is the most truthful story about how I eased the burning question in my own Heart. From early days, I ached to understand why I did not matter enough to those who were supposed to love me.

This story does not deny the value of those other things, the books, the wise teachers, the traditions, and the practices. There is a richness in all of them, too. It is just that I see those things as what we expect to be the way we evolve and unfold into who we are here to be. The accepted message is, do enough, and one day you will be enough. 

It is surprising and delightful to hear that just living by the side of an ancient, wizened, and unlikely being is the path to fulfillment and awareness. This is being as a way of becoming. The realization feels spacious and liberating. 

When I spend time with this story, I yearn to make that journey. I, too, want to come upon this solitary, startling creature and discover that she is the teacher I have been seeking my whole life. There is an itch inside me that can only be relieved by my faithful, daily attendance to living life by her side. Ahhhh, to finally feel that burning question ease and fade away by some means I may never fully be able to explain.

Living inside this story for even a few moments, I step into the freedom that the man realizes after being with her for a year. And, just as my burning question fades from my Heart and I am filled with gratitude, she teaches me an even greater lesson. ‘Tell them I’m beautiful.’

Burning Question

As I spend time with this story, I observe that I have a lot of prejudice against the externally successful man. My perception centers around the idea that he has wasted a lot of his time chasing those external signs of success. Those were never going to be the path to any real or lasting happiness, in my opinion. I do not have sympathy for his situation, which is really unusual for me. In every other story that I have chosen to perform, I believe in being one hundred percent accepting and faithful to every character, whether they appear to be ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

This discovery of my prejudice is actually very revealing and surprises me. In it I can see my own story about how success’s external measurements have not been a priority for me. I can also see how this has been a cover for my deeper story that I am not worthy of success, material manifestations of wealth, or physical property. Believing that superficially true story allowed me to continue to, quite reasonably, turn a blind eye to my deeper, impoverished one.

It was so easy for me to find evidence that external success and wealth were unimportant, not the point of life, the shallow person’s desire, not mine. I was deeper than that; I could tell myself.

I am deeper than that, but that is not why I did not pursue physical wealth.

I did not pursue physical wealth and property because I did not want to face my core wounding around my being unworthy, unloveable, and undeserving. I had built that wounded story around the pain of being abandoned by my dad and with him, his entire family. I could not know at the time that it was my mother’s choice to make this break with them. I imagine now that she believed it was the best thing for my older sister and me.

All I knew then was that I was not worth enough to matter enough for him to put the energy and time into keeping me in his life. And, there was the fish. My dad, as with all the men in his family, loved fishing. He may have loved it the most of all of them. One of my last memories as a very young child was being out on a boat with him on one of the lakes in upstate New York.

My memory is that I was about 4 years old. My older sister and my dad’s new wife were on the boat, too. It was my first time fishing with my dad. I can see the boat, my new kid-sized fishing rod. It wasn’t a toy. It felt like the real deal, just smaller. I was super excited because I knew how much fishing meant to my dad. Clearly, our family had already broken apart, so I probably did not get to see him much. I am sure I missed him and would have done anything to please him. 

I can feel how much it mattered to me to have him love me and think I was important and worthy of his time and attention. I do not think I had yet lost hope of having both of my parents in my life.

I can see the scene, me with my fishing gear, the boat rocking on the water, the sun shining, a fortuitous breeze blowing. And then it happened, I caught my very first fish, ever! I can hear my squeals of delight as I exclaimed my triumph. “Daddy, Daddy, I caught a fish!”

I was beaming with pride and confidence that he would think I was amazing. I do not actually have a memory of his response beyond seeing him smiling at me. That part receded into the mists as unimportant as time went by. What remained was the memory of my accomplishment and how it simply had proved not to be enough. Because not long after that, we moved to another state, and I was cut off from him and his entire family.

In my grief, I surely wondered why I was not worth his time and attention. I am sure I puzzled over the lack of even a letter or a phone call from him. I no longer got to play with the many cousins or visit the multiple aunts and uncles I had felt surrounded by. The hole in my life felt large, and it grew larger with every passing season. It became a black hole in my soul, sucking any light or matter foolish enough to get too close, never to be seen again. 

To survive, I had to stop the leakage or, at the very least, slow it down. So, at a certain point, I began to search for a story that could form the basis of my defense against the blackness. It turns out that the best story I could find was that I simply must not have been worthy enough to matter to him. I could point to that fishing trip and tell myself, ‘Well, you failed. You just did not catch a big enough fish.’ 

I can imagine my inner self saying, 

‘If you had caught a better fish, he might have stayed in your life. It has to be your fault because you cannot prove otherwise. You know that the fish you caught was pretty small and unimpressive. It was a lot smaller than the ones he was normally excited about having caught himself. 

So, you aren’t worth it, and your accomplishments, if you want to exaggerate and call them that, aren’t particularly interesting or worthy of attention. In fact, you ought to just forget about ever accomplishing anything special. You won’t succeed, and you don’t deserve the rewards that come with accomplishment.”

This narrative worked. It formed enough of an inner wall that most of the deadly leakage stopped or slowed down. This firewall was a costly investment, though. I was now blocked from accomplishing, succeeding, or being rewarded by success. I would never be seen as worthy in this story, so I did not even really try. Whenever I did come close to feeling accomplished, my shame would appear just in time to make sure and derail it.

Over the years, I managed to scrape by, put on a good face, and pose as the happy underachiever. When I did try, I was careful to choose an arena that was still small enough to feel comfortable. This was my ‘fake it until you are sure not to make it’ pattern. I wanted to appear to be someone striving for success but always have something to get in my way. 

I could also claim that I was following a more spiritual path to explain my success-avoidance lifestyle. Material wealth was not important to me because I knew in my core that possessions would not fill an empty Heart or heal a splintered Soul. Using this belief as a shield for my unhealed wound of worthlessness had the benefit of sounding really profound. I even fooled myself for quite a while. 

The price for removing this block was to face that original wounding and wrap my arms around that young girl. Assure her that the adults made decisions that had nothing to do with her value, but it makes sense why it would feel that way. Then, let her know how much I appreciate her bravery and sacrifice. And tell her that I love her.

Again, that sounds easier than it was. Facing this story about myself felt like opening a metaphorical closet jammed with every instance in which I had betrayed myself throughout my life. It spanned decades, and that meant a deluge of boxes and clutter cascading out onto my head. For days, I felt like I had been buried in a pit of despair.

All I could see and feel was regret. How many opportunities to become someone or something had I sacrificed in the name of this inner firewall? As I sat with the knowledge that I had been my own saboteur, a tsunami of grief washed over me. It seemed as though I would never be free of it. As I looked back over my life, I felt deep pain over every missed opportunity and every rejected invitation to genuinely flourish. All of this was done in the name of protecting me from that early, overwhelming pain. 

Over time, my cover story became more and more solid. I could point to plenty of evidence of its truth as I continued to self-sabotage. I never forgot the original hurt, but I just did not have to feel it very much. If I unplugged that black hole too soon, I risked being sucked into it and never getting back out. If I kept up this barrier, I would never know the joy of becoming my full, true self. 

It was in spending time with the story of Truth & Beauty that I found out the Truth. In allowing the tale to be a mirror within which I could see myself, I uncovered this decades-long deception. As I explored what I disliked about the man and what stories it brought up in me, my vision cleared. I saw this sacrifice of my success to protect me from being lost in the pain of abandonment as a child. I had betrayed myself; only it had come from a place of deep Love.

I was too young to have had good coping skills, and so the best my ill-equipped mind could do was to try to take control of a situation that felt dangerously out of control. If I could claim to have caused this hurt, then I had the chance of making sure it never happened again. Sure, it required me to amputate parts of myself, but an amputation is preferable to death. And that is what that huge swirling black hole of pain felt like…death.

So, this is where the Love comes in. There is within me a subterranean reservoir of universal Love. It lies out of reach of the pain and suffering of my ordinary existence. It is the source of my deep, inner wisdom, and it holds the secrets of my destiny. It is a potent, still, pond within. Whenever the pebbles, rocks, or even boulders of life are thrown at it, they cannot make even a slight ripple.

It is this Love that helped my young mind craft my coping stories, knowing that they were temporary and that one day I would pull back the curtains and see the Truth. It is also this Love that has its arms wrapped around me as I do, so I can complete my grieving and heal that core wounding. She is with me all the time, quietly, comfortingly, showing me how to live in a way that eases the burning in my Heart. She is Love, and she is Truth.

Truth Is Beauty

I know that within me, I have each of the characters in this story. My Soul sent a question to burn in the Heart of the part of me represented by the successful man. It is calling me to reclaim what I may have sacrificed along the way as I collected the outer trappings of success. 

The breakdown of his ordinary life is necessary for him to connect to the deep wisdom he seeks. This is true of my own life. The path to easing the burning in my own Heart required me to release my grip on any stories I had created that served as diversions from my wounding. It reminds me of the saying, ‘You can’t buy happiness.’ And yet, I did try to do just that. For me, it was not material wealth. I collected stories that cushioned me from having to feel the burning.

I also have within me the character represented by the ancient woman. I only need to spend time with her day to day, side by side, and her wisdom soaks into my very being. There are no particular strategies or techniques I need to use. It is in being present that whatever burns in my Heart will be healed. The Soul calls, and the Heart answers.

Now that I see myself in the character of the successful man and understand why I have always felt disdainful of him, I can measure my level of self-acceptance by how compassionate and loving I feel toward him.

Do I empathize with his plight? Can I acknowledge and validate how it must feel to have striven and accomplished so much according to others and society’s measure? I can feel my inner block moving. It feels like a boulder being shifted on the ground. I feel the weight of it, I hear the scraping sound and feel the friction as it moves. I feel my resistance even as acceptance patiently waits, trusting, knowing that it is inevitable now that I have seen the story as it truly is.

In seeing the story as it truly is, the cascade of awareness and transformation are set into motion. Once begun, it is never possible to put it back in place. Like labor and delivery, once it starts, there is only one possible outcome: that baby is coming out. Whatever else it looks like, I will no longer be pregnant when it is over.

Likewise, I cannot force or rush the awakening. It has its own timeline and pace. I can only tend to it, feel into it, and give it my attention. Like the man in the story, I will wake up one morning, and the burning in my Heart simply will have vanished. It will feel like it happened overnight, when, in fact, it is the result of living beside the Truth for days, weeks, and months.

And this is the other great gift of this story. Awakening takes time. It requires only that I show up to do the work, the daily chores. It tells me that I need only to live beside Truth and follow her lead to ease my heart’s burning. 

So, this story is a map for my awakening and becoming more fully who I am here to be. Even though I am not a successful business person, I do not own a large house and am not seen as rich, I have accumulated the trappings of a persona that would appear to most as successful-ish. I have built a veneer that gives me the appearance of success. 

However, behind that facade, I hid my impoverished self. It was an exhausting way to live, to perpetually be projecting what I believed to be socially acceptable. At the same time, in my deepest, hidden part of myself, I had secretly deemed myself unworthy. So, like this character, I had a question burning in my Heart that I did not know I would ever be able to answer fully. This story tells me that it is possible to answer it, and it tells me how to do it. 

• Follow the question that burns in my Heart. 
• Live beside Truth, however repulsive or ugly she may appear at first. 
• Show up every day. 
• Follow her example. 

In this way, one day, I will awake to find the burning in my Heart will have vanished. I will joyfully and triumphantly exclaim that I am ready to go home, to return to the ordinary world. I will ask her if there is anything I can do for her.

She will ask me to tell everyone that she is beautiful.

Look Into The Truth & Beauty Mirror

As you read the story of Truth & Beauty, notice how you feel about each of the characters. Which one stirs the strongest feelings, either positive or negative?

• Write about the character you dislike the most in this story. As you do, see if there are any signs of what part of yourself or your life you see reflected there.

• Which of the characters is the exact opposite of who you believe yourself to be?

• Which character do you feel the most positive feelings toward, and why do you think that is?

The story reveals that daily presence in companionship with Truth is the secret to healing the Heart’s discomfort. 

• Explore what hurts in your Heart that does not seem to go away no matter how many books you read or teachers you listen to. 

• What is the unappealing Truth that might be the key to easing the burning in your Heart?

• How is this different from a more heroic approach to conquering pain, confusion, or suffering?

Wealth means different things to each one of us. Become clear on the story you have about it to transform your relationship to it. For some, wealth is a four-letter word. 

• What is your definition of wealth, and where do you find it in your life?

• Where do you reject it?

• Who is your most powerful role model regarding wealth? What lesson did you learn from them?

• What is your vision for being wealthy?

There are many voices in your life telling you who you should be and what you should do to be successful. The key to living joyfully is to know which voice is your own. 

• List all of the ways you are meeting others’ expectations and rate each one on a scale of 1 to 10 to see how much they match your Heart’s true desire.