Blog

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It’s Not Really About Letting Go

While it’s true that suffering is created by holding on to that which doesn’t serve you, just “letting go” won’t be enough.

What is more likely is that the wisdom and love disguised as that unpleasant person, situation, or condition will show up in a new form.

It will continue to create stress, fear, and pain as a way of communicating and getting your attention.

This is why so much of what is painful feels familiar.

Instead, learn the language of your deep inner wisdom, your Soul.

And, teach her that you’re willing to listen to a more pleasant language.

Once you agree to give your presence to what is calling to you, the pain will stop.

The point of this painful communication process isn’t actually to create suffering.

The point is to deliver one of life’s most important gifts… the ability to return to wholeness, to come home to yourself.

S.E.A.L.

When I experience resentments, negative self-talk, or feeling stuck I turn to a practice called S.E.A.L.

I see you.

I embrace you.

I appreciate you.

I love you.

It allows me to acknowledge whatever is showing up as a worthy and loving voice of my deep inner wisdom, even when it’s using a language that causes stress, fear, or pain.

As I wrap my arms around this part of me, I welcome her home, restoring her power within me.

I express my gratitude that she showed up for me today and has every day, even if I didn’t always recognize her.

And, I let her know that I love her which heals my heart and restores me to wholeness.

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Separation Not Required

Letting go of things often carries the idea of separation.

So much of what comes to my attention wants to come home, not be further exiled.

While it’s natural to want to push away that which feels unpleasant, when I learn the language of my deep inner wisdom, my Soul, I become more whole.

This is what allows me to receive the wealth and success of my life from moment to moment.

This is what confirms the truth that Love Lies Beneath…. everything.

Set up your 20-minute virtual coffee date and learn more about how this simple process can create greater wholeness.

Your 2-Minute Body Sense Meditation Audio

You can listen to this recording here or download it and have it with you on whatever device you prefer.

You’ll be amazed at what 2 minutes can do.

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Anxiousness

Anxiousness saps your energy, interferes with your sleep, and disables your immune system. Chronic stress is a leading cause of anxiousness and contributes to many serious health considerations affecting your heart, brain function, digestion, and skin.

Women are more likely to suffer from ongoing anxiousness than men and it can prevent them from not only enjoying life but even from succeeding at it. The lack of resilience resulting from chronic anxiousness negatively affects confidence, decision-making abilities, and communication.

Resilience is one of the most vital ingredients in personal and professional success. The ability to rebound in the face of adversity and stress is essential to creative solutions, innovation, and growth. A lack of resilience means that even the smallest setbacks become insurmountable barriers.

Your Daily Plan

There is a simple, proven way to support your body and your mind in relieving anxiousness. While you’ve probably heard of meditation and may have even tried a few different types, you may not realize that taking just 2 minutes every day will yield great benefits for your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

There are 5 key benefits to having a daily meditation practice:

1. Clear your mind in order to be fresh for the day
2. Nourish your mind with centeredness and calm.
3. Grow a sense of trust in yourself because you’re demonstrating self-love on a daily basis.
4. Generate neurochemicals that improve your mood, perspective, and ability to come up with solutions to challenges.
5. Enhance your intuition and inner wisdom.

Download this 2 Minute Body Sense Meditation audio and put it into practice for 7 days. Notice how you feel before, during, and after the meditation. As the days go by, see what you observe about your sense of resilience.

If you’re having trouble keeping up with it on a daily basis, set an alarm on your phone.

The best time to do this meditation is before you get out of bed in the morning. If that’s not going to work for you, get creative. Take the 2 minutes before you get out of your car when you arrive at work or meetings. Give yourself the 2 minutes before you go to sleep.

If you miss a day, bounce back and start your daily meditation practice again. One thing I guarantee is that you’ll never regret the time you devote to even this simple practice and with repetition, you’ll gain truly valuable benefits.

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Not all those who wander are lost.

J.R.R. Tolkien

You’ve been wandering aimlessly without direction for days. You weren’t sure where you were when you started and now you don’t know whether you’ve gotten anywhere. You’ve just been walking in circles as people without maps and the ability to read them do. This isn’t last summer’s backcountry hiking trip. This is your life and in order to make your time and efforts meaningful, you need a really good map.

Birds & Butterflies

How do Cliff Swallows find their way each year on their 6,000-mile journey from Goya, Argentina to San Juan Capistrano, California without a map? How do Monarch butterflies complete a 2,500-mile migration across North America? While much of the science is still up for debate, it’s safe to say that they have some kind of an internal GPS and the physiology to interpret its signals.

Because they have complete clarity about where they want to go and the ability to understand the information about how to get there, it’s pretty unheard of for any of them to get lost.

Cue The Human

Getting lost may be one of the most common experiences modern homo sapiens share. We don’t just get lost in the woods with predictable frequency, we also get lost in life. When you realize you’re lost in the wilderness, experts say that the most important first thing to do is to sit down and find a way to become calm. If you haven’t brought a map with you, begin to create one in your mind. Decide whether you’ll be better off preparing to spend the night, or whether your best plan is to try and find your way home.

Just like the swallows and the Monarchs, clarity is essential for you, too. When you have a clear understanding of what’s important to you, like finding water or firewood, moving in the necessary direction has its greatest value. If you pass up that critical first opportunity to stop, take a look around, and make an intentional choice, you’ll be wasting valuable energy and going in a direction that won’t take you where you want to go. Reach your intended destination by creating a map, which is how you know where you are, where you’re going and why it’s important.

Your Life Map

There are many kinds of maps and each type fulfills a unique purpose. The good news is, you already have everything you need to create a customized and personal map of your life. It will reveal your deepest desires, innate gifts, and measure the motivation you have to take action. This map is less about your physical location and more about your inner landscape.

Inspired by Nature, below you’ll find a map that offers you the opportunity to check in with your internal GPS to see where you are now, where you’d like to be and why it’s important to you.

On its surface, it looks like a measurement of how satisfied you are with your life, which it is. That’s how you know where you’re starting from. As you spend time diving deeper, it will reveal a great deal about what you desire and, most importantly, why. This rich reservoir of awareness becomes your source for connecting to your purpose and passion for life.

The time you invest in getting to know the map of your inner world will yield a decrease in frustration and insurmountable barriers, and best of all, an increase in the joy of knowing that your choices are taking you somewhere you actually want to be.

When this happens, you’ll be one of those rare people who doesn’t get lost, even when they choose to wander.

How to Use This Map

Look at each direction and consider how satisfied you feel with each area in your life at this time.

There are 10 dots going from the center of the circle to the outer circle.

Using the dot nearest to the center as #1, meaning “not at all” and the outer edge as #10, meaning “completely” place a mark at the dot which best represents your level of satisfaction.

After you’ve marked all 8 areas, connect the dots. This will allow you to see which directions are important for you to invest in.

With the help of your coach, go deep into your vision for how things are now, how you’d wish them to be, and when you’d like that to be true. Together, you can uncover why this feels important to you and how it is a part of you becoming who it is you are here to be. Then, you can choose one to three of these areas and design the pathway for reaching your desired destination.

Five years ago, I received a powerful vision and message. I was staying with a friend at a cozy house in the forest in Santa Cruz. This is Part I of the story, as I wrote it for myself back then.

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The visit from the wisdom being last night was an extraordinary visitation. The first part of it was the dreaming of the drums. As I lay with my ear on my pillow, the sound of Lakota drumming and singing grew into an overwhelming roar, at the same time, filling and surrounding the space inside my head. 

I pulled with the only strength I could find to drag myself out of that dream space, trying to slap my hand on the floor to get my sleeping friend’s attention. I may have called out or what passes for calling out when you are in REM paralysis. When I woke from that portion of the visitation, I asked myself why the drums of the Native Americans of the plains? It’s not a heritage I feel connected to, it’s not a spiritual tradition that calls to me. My roots call my spiritual yearning to a different part of the planet. If I were to conjure my version of a spirit visit, it would have Celtic sound and flavor.

I had no answer for this. Certainly, the power of the Lakota drumming and singing has always been moving for me. I have listened with a sense of awe and appreciation whenever I’ve witnessed it. Still, it seemed like such unlikely dream terrain for me.

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An Unexpected Visitor

After going to sleep again, I was visited by a Native American man, an elder, seemingly Lakota. No gray hair, but the energy he held felt rich with calm, peaceful wisdom. He was sitting in front of me. The walls of the house had faded away and we were surrounded by trees and a meadow. He wore blue jeans and a button-down long sleeve shirt, something like an ordinary red and blue plaid. His face was lined but not with excessive age. His eyes were dark, calm, alive, and alight with depth. He leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees, hands lightly clasped in front of him. He asked me in a voice that I almost couldn’t hear, ‘Are you happy?’

I had to watch the shape of his lips as they formed the words to take in what it was he was saying. My reply was instantaneous. ‘No!’ Accompanied by a slightly dismissive and derisive laugh, as if to say, ‘Are you kidding? Who’d be happy with this life?!’

My conscious mind immediately thought, ‘how ungrateful you are to say that out loud to this being.’ I think I was afraid of receiving some kind of punishment for my ingratitude and disrespect.

He spoke to me, again. He said three things, three statements. Again, I couldn’t quite hear the words. I had to stare intently and study how his lips were moving in order to receive his message. 

Then, he stood up and walked across the room toward a spot just beyond where my head had been on my pillow. As he moved through the space, his clothes changed becoming a white shirt and pants, light and flowing. I had to turn my head to see what came next. I swiveled around in time to see a bird rise up from where he stood. He had transformed into a bird of iridescent white with a reddish hue. It was the shape of a sparrow but slightly larger and longer. When the body and wings moved, a reddish ombré flowed in a wavelike motion over a whitish iridescent base. This bird then transformed into a fully white bird, something like an egret, and flew off to the north. 

I looked back to see the man standing at the place from where the bird had emerged. He then resumed walking out under a vine and flowered-covered trellis, now singing with great power and strength. 

I found myself, struggling to emerge from my dream state, singing with him. 

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The First Message

The next morning, I share my dream experiences with my friend and she tells me that she had heard me. 

At first, when I tried to say the 3 statements, I could find no words. The space where they ought to have been felt empty and echoed a bit. Then, it came to me later that morning that the first message was, “Walk only in your own footsteps.“

This was a powerful, new awareness for me, this first message: Walk only in your own footsteps. It sounds so simple and obvious but for me, it felt like a thunderbolt.

At first, it seemed counterintuitive to me. The common idea that we place our feet in the footsteps of the person in front of us has been a strong influence in my life. It told me that it would be easier, take less work, and be safer. It had always made sense to follow in the footsteps of others who’ve come before me so I could hide just enough. It resonated with the feeling that I had been impersonating the person others expected me to be.

Since that night, the idea that to be my authentic self means to walk only in my own footsteps has been a strong call. It feels like the opposite of how I had been walking in my life up until then. Walking only in my own footsteps points to the idea that I have a unique path, not necessarily predetermined, but kept open just for me.

If I don’t walk it no one else will.

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To be continued…

Part II The Second Message

Part III The Third Message

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It’s frustrating and exhausting when other people take too much of your time, attention, and energy. And worse yet, you feel helpless to stop them.

You already have a lot on your plate and more than enough to do. When suddenly, bam! You find yourself held hostage to this other person’s agenda.

You feel trapped, and you agonize over why you don’t know how to get out of the situation. You search for the right words but nothing comes up. Your stress rises like water in a sinking ship.

Why does this always happen to me?

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This is the question that haunts you. You might even think there’s something wrong with you. Other people don’t seem to have this happen to them the way you do.

And then, the resentment begins to seep in, slowly at first. Over time, you can’t escape the wiry feelings of irritation and annoyance, and you don’t seem to be able to stop them from growing.

These tenacious vines become thicker and thicker but don’t do anything to protect you. Instead, they actually feel like they’re strangling you.

This makes you feel even more powerless and at the mercy of those people.

The Good News

The good news is that there’s actually an easy solution to this aggravating problem. It’s a lot like that sinking ship with the hole in it. You could find some really sturdy buckets and start bailing. And keep bailing. And keep bailing.

I think you know where that goes. You end up, once again, exhausted and disappointed in yourself because you couldn’t bail fast enough or diligently enough.

And you feel even more rancor and hopelessness than before.

By now, it’s probably obvious that the solution is…to plug the hole in the ship.

You might be thinking to yourself, “But I’m not a carpenter, I never learned to be a welder.”

That’s the really great part of this secret. The kind of repair that needs to be made is something you were born to do and have had within you your entire life.

Y.O.U. A.R.E. M.A.D.E. for this.

Cape Optional

Just like every superheroine out there, you have powers within you that are just waiting to be awakened. And in a weird way, the people out there who are walking all over you are actually agents of transformation, inviting you to claim those very powers.

But don’t worry if you have trouble believing that about them. For now, they are the problem you want to solve.

But are they?

The people you feel are causing you stress are actually just the water. Like any liquid, water will flow into whatever space is available. So, seal up that hole in your hull and the water will do its other job, which is to support you in reaching your destination.

Are you ready to step into your superheroine identity?

Can you guess what your superpower is?

It’s as plain as the nose on your face, as we used to say when I was a kid. In fact, it’s so ordinary, you probably won’t even believe me when I tell you what it is.

It’s something you do and experience every day, all day, in fact.

It’s as invisible to you as the air you breathe and just as essential.

Try not breathing for a while and see how quickly you become aware of the power of your breath. Suddenly, you realize that you have relied on it for as long as you can remember. You can’t live without it, in fact.

This superpower is exactly like that.

You’ve always done it. You mostly don’t notice it. It’s the driving force of your entire life.

Seeing Is Believing

Seeing this superpower is just like that moment when you stopped breathing and awakened to how vital it is to your very existence. When I tell you what it is, you’ll probably scoff or laugh a bit. ‘That old thing?’ you’ll say.

And when that happens, I want you to stop doing it for 10 minutes, just like breathing. Stop using this superpower and see how your life feels without it.

If you’re like most of us, you won’t even know how to stop doing it because no one ever taught you that you have the power to choose when, how, and why to do it.

Unlike this superpower, we all learned at some point how to manipulate our breath, whether it was for swimming, blowing out a birthday candle, or seeing who could hold it the longest without passing out.

I am certain that NO ONE has ever shown you that you have this amazing power and that you have everything you need within you to make it fulfill YOU.

This superpower is all you’ll ever need to meet Stress and have it be a source of POWER FOR YOU.

Are you ready to see yourself as the superheroine you already are?

Do you want to master this superpower that you already have within you, that you’ve used unconsciously your entire life up until this moment?

Excellent!

Your ship is the Story of who you believe yourself to be. The hole in your ship lets you know where your Story is unconscious, unattended, and disempowering.

Become a master of your Story and you will sail with freedom, joy, and wholeness on the sea of your life.

Not only that, you can learn how to spot when and how others are wielding Story as a weapon. You will become a Master of Emotional Aikido, employing Story with skill and ease.

No more leaks, no more holes, no more buckets, no more bailing.

If you are in doubt about the power Story has over your life…spend 10 minutes without it. No Story for that short time.

If you don’t know how to eliminate Story within yourself for even that brief period, that’s how you know that you’ve never been initiated into the Art and Science of Story.

There’s more good news. Even if you don’t understand this right away…it’s only a matter of time. Just the fact that you read this means that the seed of awareness has been planted.

When the time is right you’ll see, in a flash of insight, the power that Story has to make life a stormy, threatening journey or a thrilling, enlivening adventure.

You’ve got this.

And you’ve got me to help you anytime you want to become that Emotional Aikido Master who wields Story with skill and ease.

Wishing you the fulfillment of realization,

Zette

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Set a Virtual Coffee Date with me. Let’s talk Story.

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