There is so much wisdom within me and you. Everything you need is already within you. And, you are exactly where you need to be at this moment. My wish for you is that you set out on this journey. Reclaim your Soul. Befriend your Stories. And heal your Heart. As you do, you will walk into your next chapter, hand in hand with the Love that lies beneath.
My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon.
Transcript
Transcripts are approximations
Welcome to Love Lies Beneath. I’m Zette Harbour.
I’m glad to have you here. Do you feel like stress, fear, or pain take up way too much of your energy? Have you wondered if you’ll ever be free of that heaviness of your past? Do you long to feel as good on the inside as your life looks on the outside? In this podcast, you’ll discover the story of who you really are and how to set yourself free together.
We’re going to travel into those wild spaces of our inner landscapes and dive deeply into the rich soil of our lives. Reclaiming soul through story and healing. Our hearts. My book Love Lies Beneath is the. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast. So you don’t miss any of this enriching journey. And now let the adventure begin.
In Episode 38, I read from the final section of my book, Part V Hidden Elements. And even as the book comes to a close, the true adventure is just beginning
Part V Hidden Elements Beneath Everything
Beneath Everything
The biggest question I can ask and have asked myself is…
if everything is coming from a place of Love and is designed to help me reunite with myself… then doesn’t that make even the painful stuff a gift?
This is what I hope to have explored in this book. It is my hope that I have held up a faithful mirror in which you can begin to see your answer to this question, too.
Another reflection I hope I have successfully created for you is that it is ultimately the Truth that everything in my life calls me to discover and recover my true self and my true nature, born out of Love. All those tough experiences were and are sent to me out of loving-kindness. Deep, sometimes really deep, down, I know that. I see what I think is reality but what also exists is everything I cannot see. In some ways, what I cannot see is more powerful than what I can.
One of the compelling discoveries in quantum physics is light’s ability to behave like both a particle and a wave. One way to think about this is that if I were to pick up a stone, I would see it in particle form. If this were occurring on the quantum level, when I throw it, that would translate into that stone suddenly occupying every possible position between me and where it will eventually land. Imagine how astonished I would be to see the rock, as an object, suddenly transform into a wave of rock energy. Eventually, the rock does land, with a thud, in a specific spot, thus eliminating every other possible outcome.
For me, Story is much like that. I can allow myself to have the possibility of an unlimited number of outcomes. Or, I can choose one and settle in on a form. My story can be rigid and unyielding, or it can be spacious and curious. I believe that allowing for both is the key to being enriched by life. At their best, my stories define, not confine, me.
I must take form, but I must also remember that I come from ‘not form.’ So I have to loosen my grip on the stories I have chosen about who I am to be more brilliant, expansive, and powerful. In the flow between the two states of form and ‘not form,’ I tap into the vitality of the source of life. If I am stuck in either one, I stagnate, and life feels like a struggle.
The goal of reclaiming your Soul through Story to heal your Heart by finding the Love that lies beneath will allow you to move into and out of form and ‘not form’ with ease. As you do, you will experience your life as more energized, fulfilling, and meaningful. This will give you greater satisfaction and enable you to move with greater freedom in the world. In fact, the world becomes more like a story, and your choices about who you will be in it become limitless.
Armed with this new awareness and, the now-conscious skill, you will craft a life worthy of you. This book offers the required initiation to dive down and understand the deeper layers of your story. In gaining knowledge of what you find there, you, the heroine, acquire the items needed as you return to ordinary and present-day reality. This cracks open all of your stories. In their full, rich forms, all layers are seen and serve as treasure troves from which you construct your enriched, new life.
There are treasures hidden in the depths, and it takes a particular kind of journey to dive down into them to gain their riches. It also requires the type of strength, endurance, courage, and just enough foolishness to believe that you are capable of it and deserve to do it. These qualities must be present for the journey to be undertaken. You know there are risks. Fortunately, you don’t actually know the full extent of what they are, or you might not go.
Into The Woods
“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”
Albert Einstein
When Rumpelstiltskin reignited my love of folklore, I shared my excitement with a musician friend. We would often talk about Campbell and Jung, archetypes, and soul. Now, we explored this wondrous tale as if it were a powerful, epic journey with universal images and meaning. This tumbled into the idea of telling it and other stories in performance.
I had no idea that anyone actually did that sort of thing, although I did know that the local bookstore periodically listed storytellers on the events calendar. And this is where the ‘just enough foolishness’ comes in. I decided to do some research and called the event coordinator.
“How do you go about hiring your storytellers?” I asked.
“When do you want to come in and perform?” was her reply.
I was faced with at least two options. I could decline, hang up, and put an end to this foolishness, or not. I made my decision in the microseconds hanging in the air at the end of her question. I booked a date about thirty days away and hung up the phone. I was deep in Story now, and there was no going back.
I could not have seen what waited for me on this path. There was no way to know how much delight, heartache, camaraderie, betrayal, joy, and deep wisdom would come my way as a result of that one, simple, instantaneous decision. That pivotal moment has taken me on a truly unexpected journey.
Because of that moment, I have performed at festivals and with symphony orchestras. My audio recordings have been aired on NPR and have garnered awards. In my workshops, I have been awed by witnessing the awakening of others to the power of Story. I have been a facilitator and presenter for university and business organizations, nonprofits, and many others.
And now, here we are. I have written this book because of the immeasurable gifts Story has brought to my life. I had no idea when I made that phone call that it would lead me here.
Release the Kraken
I have wanted to write a book since I was twelve years old. Back then, it felt like being an author was the best thing I could do with my life. I imagined it would be a peaceful, meaningful way to live. That was the complete opposite of the world I lived in at the time. It also felt like a pipe-dream and probably the last thing I thought I deserved. Everyone around me was suffering. Many of them suffered much more than I did, and I felt tremendous guilt for dodging those bullets.
It took my first thirty years just to get the lines of my life untangled enough to make it possible to see what had really happened. My stories about myself and my life had been necessarily clouded. It was too overwhelming to make sense of what seemed like a bloody train wreck. Only once I could get enough perspective would I be able to consider the work of making sense of it.
That has been my vocation over the last twenty-seven years. If I had asked my thirty-year-old self how long it would take me to recover from the trauma, she would never have imagined this. In fact, I can remember thinking and feeling back then that I was nearly done with it all. This makes me smile at myself because now, I know that there is no such thing as being done. The roots of my Soul run deep and wide, and I will be able to find places to reclaim and restore as long as I am alive.
Understandably, this perspective would not have been available to my thirty-year-old self. I could not know that the voice calling me to find my way home would be a lifelong companion. At this point in my life, I am so grateful to the voice. I would not want her to leave me. I rely on her every day now. And I love her.
Writing this book has been a deep and sometimes daunting experience. So many of the places I share have been a part of me for many years. Some of them only made themselves visible as I wrote this. No matter when I made the discovery, each place held its own demands and gifts. During this book’s birthing, my two coaches have been lifelines in navigating my discoveries.
A Finger Pointing To The Moon
Let me share some closing thoughts about the power of Story and language. They are faithful bearers of Truth. They can also play the part of the Trickster. A word makes us think that it is the thing it represents. Stories lure us into believing that they are the point of themselves. In my understanding, neither of those things is true.
The word we use to describe a thing is never the thing itself. D O G is not the lively, loving, playful being that greets us with unconditional love at every moment. The story we use to describe an experience or an awareness is never the iridescent, will-o’-the-wisp moment itself. When I tell you about my camping adventure, I may be able to regale and delight you, but we are not actually there.
Words and Story are the candle; the flame is the Truth they make possible. With that in mind, I have done my best to use words well. By that, I mean that I want my words to point to a Truth and not get in the way of it.
For me, this is best reflected in this Zen Buddhist quote.
“Truth has nothing to do with words. Truth can be likened to the bright moon in the sky. Words, in this case, can be likened to a finger. The finger can point to the moon’s location. However, the finger is not the moon. To look at the moon, it is necessary to gaze beyond the finger, right?”
It is my hope you look at the finger, my stories, only long enough to see the moon to which they point. For me, the moon is made up of those rich and transcendent moments of intimacy and true oneness with the Love that lies beneath. It is made even richer by the relationships I have restored with the many parts of me that bravely accepted banishment to make my life manageable so long ago. What I experience there does not have to be the same as what happens for you. Your moon will be made of different stuff than mine.
There is so much wisdom within me and you. Everything you need is already within you. And, you are exactly where you need to be at this moment. My wish for you is that you set out on this journey. Reclaim your Soul. Befriend your Stories. And heal your Heart. As you do, you will walk into your next chapter, hand in hand with the Love that lies beneath.
Begin Simply
In my work with my clients, and in my own experience, I have worked with a variety of techniques that can get you started on the path to reclaiming your Soul through Story. Here are just a few that you can explore. There is no one-size-fit-all when it comes to restoring your connection to the Love that lies beneath. Approach your own journey with curiosity and compassion.
I invite you to give any of these a try. If you want to know more about them and about my work, we can get together for a Virtual Coffee Date.
S.E.A.L.
There is a simple, painless practice for empowering your emotions. S.E.A.L.: See. Embrace. Appreciate. Love.
Step 1: I See You
So often, the first response to something negative is to push it aside, bury it, or disown your experience of it. Rather than freeing you, this is how being sabotaged by stress begins. The real truth is, in order to stem the tide of discomfort and unhappiness you are feeling, the vitally important first step is to say, “I See You.”
Yes, let the unpleasant emotions, the difficult people, and the unsatisfying circumstances know that you are willing to acknowledge that they exist. You do not need to say it out loud because the power of this comes from within you. Just the fact that you are expressing a willingness to see whatever is causing the difficulty will create a shift. At this point, you are not trying to change how you are feeling, it is enough that you accept it. By not burying or pushing aside the stress and its source, you make it possible to begin to dissolve the power it has to sabotage you.
Step 2: I Embrace You
This step melts the defensive walls that have enabled you to be sabotaged by stress. Normally, the last thing you would want to do with something distasteful and unpleasant is to wrap your arms around it and give it a BIG hug. On the one hand, you have probably heard the saying, ‘warts and all,’ but on the other hand, no one really wants to hug a warty toad. So, how can you embrace feelings that are uncomfortable, if not truly painful?
This is not about denying your feelings or perceptions. You certainly do not need to give up your initial dissatisfaction or displeasure. All you are doing at this point is saying (to yourself), ‘I Embrace You’ which is a way of making your feelings welcome. At first glance, this can seem like a tough request, yet, once you practice it a few times you will see that it is actually not that bad. In fact, in time that toad will likely become one of your most cherished companions.
Step 3: I Appreciate You
Now you are ready to explore making a shift in your feelings toward the unpleasantness. It might seem like this step will cost you a lot emotionally. Instead, realize that saying ‘I Appreciate You’ is not the same thing as saying ‘You are right’ or ‘I am wrong.’ It also doesn’t mean that you do not deserve something better. You can practice appreciation and still be your own best advocate for transforming the conditions of your life.
One reason this step works is that often what causes us stress actually creates an environment for growth. Think of an oyster. It is the irritation and grit that gets into the oyster and makes it possible for it to produce the treasured pearl. You may not be able to see it right now, but what if the stress you’re feeling is really an invitation to grow something beautiful in your life? When you allow yourself to feel appreciation for even a seemingly negative something, you will be amazed at how it transforms.
Step 4: I Love You
By now, hopefully, you have witnessed some unexpected results from employing the first three steps of S.E.A.L. Perhaps your willingness to really see, to embrace, and to appreciate the stresses that felt like they were sabotaging your life has created surprising and positive improvements. If so, taking the leap and telling your negative emotions and whatever triggered them ‘I Love You,’ may feel pretty effortless.
On the other hand, if you are just starting out or if you find this idea preposterous, say the words whether or not you feel the feeling. It may surprise you to learn that this works just as well, regardless of your emotional status. This is because for the most part an emotion, which is a blend of neurochemistry, thought, and environmental conditions, is temporary. The practice of saying ‘I Love You’ can be performed in the abstract yet still create the desired result.
Declaration of Story Independence
The idea that you have the right to decide what Story you want to live out may feel unfamiliar. You may even feel uncertain as to whether or not it is true for you. One valuable practice is to have an articulated declaration that you can post or look at frequently.
This is your own personal declaration of story independence.
I believe that at my core, I am a collection of stories.
I believe that I arrived here with the right to choose what those stories are.
I believe that empowering, inspiring and evolving stories let me see just how many choices I have and how powerful I can be.
I believe that Love lies beneath all of the stories I have created about myself, my world, and my place in it.
What’s Next
I invite you to take some time over the next days or weeks and experiment with the S.E.A.L. Process. I see you. I embrace you. I appreciate you. I love. Test it out in your own life and see what your results are. And if you have questions and want to understand more deeply what this can mean for you and how this can support you in living a more expansive spacious story, I invite you to reach out and set up a virtual coffee date with me.
Because this podcast was to be a way of diving deeper into my book, Love Lies Beneath: How reclaiming my Soul through Story became the secret to healing my Heart, moving forward I’ll be opening up fresh new perspectives on everything that I’ve talked about over the past year. In the coming months, I’ll be sharing seven foundational principles.
These are thoughts, that when you are able to perceive them clearly and experience them freely, allow them to guide you, you will see your life utterly transformed. You have a powerful vision for how the world can be. And you know that you are someone here to create that impact, to make the world basically a better place.
And that you have given so much of yourself to create this vision, to bring it to life. And for whatever reason, maybe it’s your emotions feel strained, maybe your body’s giving you messages. Maybe you’re carrying weight that you can’t get rid of, or you don’t sleep enough or you don’t have energy or you have aches and pains that are chronic.
And at this point in life, the way you are able to be successful is no longer working for you. You’re realizing that you cannot be at the bottom of your own list anymore. And yet sacrificing your own wellbeing in service of this vision that you have, and this commitment you have to being a force for good in the world.
It’s what has allowed you to live the life you’re experiencing. And so if your emotions or your mind or your body are telling you that something needs to change, then these seven foundational principles will open up amazing possibilities for you. Right now, you might be thinking that you’ve done the best you can, you know a lot, you’ve probably done a lot of personal work along the way, and still the burdens of your past weigh you down despite your best intentions not to let them get in your way. And it’s a little bit like you’ve been really skillful and successful in not having the burdens from your past scattered in front of you for you to trip over or to be stopped by instead, what I see is that you have forged ahead in life and those burdens are tethered and they drag along behind you.
And it’s time now. You actually are giving yourself permission to stop dragging those burdens. And that message is coming to you through your emotions, through your body, through your sensations, through your thoughts, even through the conditions around you, which you may think have nothing to do with what’s going on inside of you, but in actuality, every difficult
or unpleasant or, or even painful person or relationship in your life is a message from your deep inner wisdom, from your soul, letting you know that you are ready to come home to yourself, you are ready to restore all the parts of you that patiently wait for you to see them, to embrace them, to appreciate them and to love them.
And I’m here for you. I believe in you.
I’m Zette Harbour. This is Love Lies Beneath. I hope you subscribe to this podcast so you can join me on every part of this adventure you can visit LoveLiesBeneath.com and there you’ll find links to show notes to other resources.
And also to my calendar where you can set up a virtual coffee date with.It’s 20 minutes and it’s for me to learn more about your story and the story you want, so very much, to be living.
Go raibh míle maith agat!