Zette Harbour

Apr 24 2021

Episode 7 Soul & Story

Our Soul is telling us stories all the time. Often our body is the messenger and how we listen makes all the difference.

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon.

In 1992, Thomas Moore published the first edition of Care of the Soul. In 2016, he released a 25th Anniversary Edition. In this unique book, readers are presented with a revolutionary approach to thinking about daily life—everyday activities, events, problems and creative opportunities—and a therapeutic lifestyle is proposed that focuses on looking more deeply into emotional problems and learning how to sense sacredness in even ordinary things.

Transcript

Soul & Story

0:02
Welcome to Love Lies Beneath. I’m Zette Harbour. I’m glad to have you here. Do you feel like stress, fear or pain take up way too much of your energy? Have you wondered if you’ll ever be free of that heaviness of your past? Do you long to feel as good on the inside as your life looks on the outside?

0:44
In this podcast, you’ll discover the story of who you really are, and how to set yourself free. Together, we’re going to travel into those wild spaces of our inner landscapes, and dive deeply into the rich soil of our lives, reclaiming Soul through Story and healing our Hearts. My book, Love Lies Beneath is the map. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss any of this enriching journey. And now, let the adventure begin.

1:36
In this episode, we’ll be diving into the connection between soul and story more deeply. One of the first books I read, that transformed my relationship to the stories of my life was Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore. In his book, I discovered that I did not need to make an enemy of those difficult stories, those painful events, those unloving people. I didn’t have to find a way to either convince them that they were wrong, or prove to myself that I was right, that they were someone to be shunned, or conquered.

2:23
And this was incredibly liberating for me, because up until that time, all of that pain, all those people really seemed like the enemy of my life. They seemed like the reason that I had not found happiness and had no idea how to find happiness. In Care of the Soul, Thomas Moore explores how our stories, our voices of different parts of our soul, and because they are voices of our soul, they are all kindly, loving, caring, and there are precious treasures for me to keep within me and to hold safe and to cherish.

A Radical Shift

3:09
This was radically different from the teachings from my early life, which were very much about right and wrong, good and bad, evil, and godly, and that there was always a war between these two opposites. Care of the Soul demonstrated through each story, how it was possible for us to experience our lives as more of a garden rather than a battlefield. What I experienced was a sense that I didn’t have to see my life as a battlefield, where I was going to constantly be either the vanquished or the winner. And if I won, and that meant that I was the righteous, that I was right, that I had value, that I mattered. If I lost, if I had failed to vanquish my enemies, which were anything that seemed to prevent me from feeling happiness, from feeling love. If I failed, that meant I didn’t matter, and I was wrong, and I wasn’t loved. And even more, I must not be lovable.

4:47
I’m going to read the next section of my book, Love Lies Beneath. It’s called, Soul & Story.

5:06
Soul & Story. “Stories are an excellent way to care for the soul.” Thomas Moore.

5:14
In his book, Care of the Soul, author, Thomas Moore takes the reader on a journey through ancient mythology and contemporary life stories. For Moore, solving problems, and making the mind clean and tidy is not the goal. “Care of the soul sees another reality all together. It appreciates the mystery of human suffering and does not offer the illusion of a problem free life.”

5:44
Finding the Love that lies beneath my own stories, particularly the more troublesome ones, is my way of caring for soul. I dive into the depths not so I can never feel sadness or hurt ever again. My plunge into my underworld is so I can clear the path between that love that lies beneath and me. I do not expect never to feel let down or disappointed again. I understand that when troubles do appear, they are messengers calling me home.

Trauma & Illness

6:17
For a long time, the idea of welcoming home all of the stories of hurt and loss seemed overwhelming, unrealistic, and possibly dangerous. This made sense, since they really did feel like the undead clamoring at my door, always on the verge of breaking through. The truth is, it took a tremendous amount of effort to keep that door shut. In fact, it took more energy than the actual process of reclaiming the parts of my soul asking to be let in. Holding these outcasts at bay diverted vital physical, emotional, mental and spiritual power needed for my health and happiness.

7:00
Those zombies and dragons would use my body, and even illness, to get my attention if that were the only thing I would listen to. I do not mean to imply that I am to blame for any illness or disease I may have. Nor do I believe that others are to blame for their health conditions. Absolutely not. I am saying, that if I do not give my wounded, orphaned pieces my attention in a conscious way, they will resort to any means necessary.

7:33
I have seen this play out in stories of people with a life threatening illness. Often they have been on the brink of death or beyond, when they realized how essential loving all parts of themselves was. Anita Moorjani, best selling author of Dying To Be Me, is an excellent example of this. She was diagnosed with lymphoma and battled it for four years. She went into a coma, and her doctors told her husband that it was over for her. That is when she had a near death experience. Her experience in the realm beyond ordinary consciousness, awakened and transformed her completely. Anita describes deciding to return from death with complete certainty that her body would be healed through love. Not only that, she had a newly activated passion for helping others love themselves. As she says on her website, “one of the biggest lessons I learned was that if I had known how to love myself, I probably never would have gotten sick.”

8:56
In Care of the Soul, Thomas Moore talks about all the ways that soul finds a pathway to speaking to us. And one of those is through the body, particularly through illness. And this is not at all to have any sort of responsibility or blame on anyone who is experiencing an illness or a disease. It is merely that like any form of communication, if we can learn to hear, if we can learn to understand the language that our soul is using to speak to us, we are more likely to transform the outcome.

9:38
And by that I don’t mean the end of the illness, particularly, that is not up to any one of us to decide. It’s the actual communion between your conscious mind and your soul, where your conscious mind accepts the body as a messenger and with that is able to see, embrace, appreciate, and love her, and in doing so lets the soul know that she is being heard.

10:12
I want to leave you with this idea that in the coming days, check in with your body at least once a day, as many times throughout the day as you can, even if it means putting a note in your calendar on your phone, or setting a little alarm to go off. And say, how is my body feeling right now? What is she telling me? And listen without a need to solve or fix, only with the need to attend, to welcome, to be grateful for, and to love.

11:02
I’m Zette Harbour. Please subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss a single step on this adventure. And reach out. You can find me at LoveLiesBeneath.com. There you will find show notes for each episode. And you can also find other resources and stories.

11:24
Feel free to connect with me and set up a virtual coffee date. I am here to listen to the voice of your soul, to hear your stories, to see you, embrace you, appreciate you, and love you. Go raibh míle maith agat!

Apr 17 2021

Episode 6 Dragons & Zombies

Voices of the Soul can take many forms. In this week’s episode, I explore this chapter in my book and dig deep into the soil of life with Dr. Laura Grace.

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon.

Author, Jungian counselor, and nighttime dream specialist, Dr. Laura Grace is my special guest for this episode. We’re doing something a bit different. Laura asks me questions about the chapter in my book called Dragons & Zombies.

In this session, we talk about the power of going to the Roots, the true nature of dragons and zombies, and the power of imagery.

Transcript

Dragons & Zombies

Zette Harbour 0:02
Welcome to Love Lies Beneath. I’m Zette Harbour. I’m glad to have you here. Do you feel like stress, fear or pain take up way too much of your energy? Have you wondered if you’ll ever be free of that heaviness of your past? Do you long to feel as good on the inside as your life looks on the outside?

Zette Harbour 0:44
In this podcast, you’ll discover the story of who you really are, and how to set yourself free. Together, we’re going to travel into those wild spaces of our inner landscapes, and dive deeply into the rich soil of our lives, reclaiming Soul through Story and healing our Hearts. My book, Love Lies Beneath is the map. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss any of this enriching journey. And now, let the adventure begin.

Zette Harbour 1:42
In Episode 7, I am talking with Dr. Laura Grace, Jungian counselor and dream specialist. Laura and I have had many conversations about archetypes, imagery, dreams, and the the epic themes of life. And I’m so delighted that Laura is joining me today. We’re going to do something a little different. Laura is gonna actually ask me questions about the next section in the book, which is the Dragons & Zombies section. So looking forward to the journey, we’re about to go on together, Laura, thank you for being here.

Dr. Laura Grace 2:20
I’m so glad to be part of this call. Thank you for having me. And I, I’m really excited about delving into your new book, because it’s a wonderful read.

Zette Harbour 2:31
Thank you so much. Yes, you’ve been one of the great supporters and someone that I’ve enjoyed having these conversations with, you know, so often on our beachwalks, where we talk about dreams and archetypes, life and story. So thank you for taking the time today. And, yeah, let’s get started with those dragons and zombies.

Dr. Laura Grace 2:52
Okay, just for those of you who may not be familiar, maybe you’re a new listener to Zette’s podcast, I just want to share a little bit about her background because it’s very extensive, and it’s cutting edge the work that she’s been doing it particularly in the realm of neuroscience. For those of you who don’t know, Zette is a Certified Professional Coach and an Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner with the Institute for Professional Excellence. And she’s also a Certified Brain Health Coach with Amen University. And Zette I know, you know, we both love Dr. Daniel, Amen’s work in the realm of neuroscience. And also Zette is trained in the field of NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Dr. Laura Grace 3:34
So she has shared her professional traditional storytelling in many realms, including at the annual Central Coast Women’s Symposium that I used to host and produce. Then she’s performed widely for audiences. Her recordings have been aired on NPR and other local stations. So Zette’s storytelling background is pretty expansive, and she has shared that widely. And so I kind of wanted to start there, when we’re talking about your new book, Love Lies Beneath,ow reclaiming my soul through story became the secret to healing my heart, which is now available on Amazon.

Dr. Laura Grace 4:13
You know, for those of you who may not be familiar with your storytelling work, or maybe they’re listening for the first time, you talk about dragons and zombies being our stories, right? And I’m just curious, why stories is such a significant part of this book. It’s almost like you’ve used it as a framework, a foundation for this beautiful personal story that you have so really courageously, in a vulnerable sense, shared with your readers.

Falling In Love With Story

Zette Harbour 4:46
Thank you so much. You know, I really stumbled into storytelling almost 30 years ago now. And when I say stumbled, I had no idea that people did such a thing, either for fun or for, you know, a profession. I was working with wonderful therapist who, she drew from a real diverse selection of methodologies. You know, cognitive behavioral therapy, Jungian therapy, probably some NLP, you know, all kinds of things, dream work. I got to really explore the world of imagination as part of my journey working with her. And so in really learning about the way Carl Jung, and then Joseph Campbell, were talking about myths and stories. I was rereading Rumpelstiltskin, to my older daughter, who was very young at the time, I think about four or five. And I just recognized the amazingly powerful archetypal message and story that was coming through what was really quite a familiar folktale, I remembered it from when I was a kid.

Zette Harbour 6:02
And I tell you, I just fell hard, I fell in love. Story truly is one of the great loves of my life. From early on, I recognized that these folktales were mirrors that I could really hold up and see myself in new ways, and make discoveries, and change, and shift, and expand my story of who I thought I was and who I could be. And then I realized how I would be able to share that with other so I, would share workshops around story and story as a mirror with others over the, you know, the past 29, 30 years. So when it came time to write this book, I 100% knew because folktales were, they were almost like mentors to me through my own journey. And I knew that I wanted to share that way of seeing story and experiencing story in this book. And you know, I just love story. And the first one I share in the book, is Rumpelstiltskin, because it was the story that it was, it was like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. That story took me to a land that I had no idea could exist.

Dr. Laura Grace 7:12
Yeah, and you know, folktales like, we know we both do a lot of dream work, there’s so much metaphor, an archetypal energy flowing through folktales. Y ou can look at them almost as you could a nighttime dream and vice versa, right. We can look at the nighttime dream as folklore. And there’s just those folktales that are so rich with almost like timeless information and wisdom. It really doesn’t matter what point in history that we’re living in, we can use the characters and look at the landscapes and the journey that they’re on the themes that are popping out and see how they apply to our own lives. So, I love that you really brought stories into this book.

Tree As A Metaphor For Life

Dr. Laura Grace 7:53
You use tree as a metaphor in the Dragons & Zombies section, which we’re talking, this is close to the front of the book. You use trees as a metaphor for our existence, which I love that, I’ve always seen trees as the feminine. You know, the woman, a branch is being like the arms rising up to the light or the sky. And then you’ve got the beautiful trunk and the roots that are going down to the ground, which to me represent Soul and all the mucky, muddy work that we do when we’re on this path of individuation. You write, “Story is a form in which the nutrients rise within the roots.” So for people who are listening, you know, understanding that we both have a personal and a collective story, how can someone tap into their personal story at this particular point in their lives? I wonder what are some of the signs or maybe the symptoms that point to their particular story?

Zette Harbour 8:51
Yeah, that’s a wonderful and beautiful question. Thank you. Yeah, the sensation, if we just imagine our own energy traveling down through our roots into the soil of our lives, right, that, that you can have that almost physical sensation and connect to the energy that’s there. I think what’s, you know, to me, what’s most interesting, is we don’t necessarily even get our attention called to our stories unless they are causing us stress, fear or pain. Typically, if we are living out and experiencing, or inhabiting, as I like to say inhabiting a story that, you know, we feel good about, that has results that we feel good about, we don’t even notice that it’s there. And why would we? Why would we change something that’s delivering the results that make us feel good?

Zette Harbour 9:40
It’s those stories that show up in our lives, where we feel that stress, fear, pain, in, you know, varying degrees for each one of us. And that signal, that’s the messenger, is the stress, fear and pain, and it to take it to the tree metaphor. It’s like looking at a tree and when you see, part of the tree, the leaves may be curling up, or turning brown or yellow, somehow dying or they’re diseased, you know that there’s something going on with the tree. And so if my outer experience is like those leaves that are not doing well, that are sickly on the tree, that’s what I’m going to notice.

Zette Harbour 10:22
I’m not going to think to myself, Oh, there’s something going on under the soil deep in my roots, that’s causing these leaves to become sickly. We look at the leaves and think, Oh, I should fix that. So often, you know, we’re experiencing a situation, which is a story, that causes that stress, fear and pain. And we think we should fix that thing, or that person, that’s involved in that story with us, right? So if we recognize that the the leaves changing like that are the call to go down into the root system, and find out where are the roots needing to be tended, to be cared for, to be nurtured, to be given more of whatever it is they need. Because when we heal the roots of a tree, guess what’s right, the leaves flourish, the rest of the tree flourishes. And the same is true for us.

Zette Harbour 11:16
So rather than thinking, Oh, it’s this person, they are making my life so miserable. You think to yourself, ah, you know, I have felt this kind of stress, fear or pain before. Therefore, I can say, yeah, I’m, I’m getting an invitation to spend time with something deep in the soil of my life. So it’s a great opportunity to take some time. And if you’re someone who already meditates or journals, or does any sort of really centering stuff, you know, art, music, dance, any kind of prayer, yoga, you’ll be able to tap into those roots in your own soil more easily.

Zette Harbour 12:08
But let’s say you’re someone who doesn’t do any of those things, right? What can you do? When you feel that stress, fear, or pain, and you don’t even know how to connect to the soil, and the roots of your story. One of the things that I learned to do that just sort of I developed for myself was to look at those that stress, fear and pain and say, I see you, I embrace you, I appreciate you, and I love you. And then I could just let it be, I didn’t have to dig into it or get all muddy, you know, spend hours in order to actually be present, to be welcoming to be appreciative and to love the part of me that was showing up through that experience.

Carrying Old Trauma

Dr. Laura Grace 12:51
Okay, Ilove that. It does make perfect sense. When we’re looking at the upper part of the tree, we’re looking at the symptoms, right? I mean, we’re not really looking at what’s going on on a Soul level. And so much of this book, you’re focusing on Soul. You know, even in Dragons & Zombies, which I love. I love the title of this section, because I actually had a class on zombies, from a metaphorical standpoint on zombies, in my doctoral program in depth psychology, because our professor thought so many of us are walking this Earth right now, in zombie mode.

Dr. Laura Grace 13:28
You know, we’re inundated with so much information. We’re not tapped into our roots in the soil. We’re carrying old trauma that has yet to be resolved, right? I mean, there’s just so much of what we’re carrying around that isn’t allowing us to be present. How many times do we walk down the street, we want to connect with the person that’s going to walk by us, but they’re gone, right? They’re just checked out. So in this section, and this is going back to what you were talking about the parts of us that need to be seen, you use the term that the dragons and zombies represent pieces of our Soul, and that these Soul parts have been cut off. Here’s a quote from the book you write, “So parts you have cut off, wait patiently for the day you call them back call.”

Dr. Laura Grace 13:52
So, you know, from a depth perspective, you’ll gain perspective. We know these are the parts of this where the shadow lives, right? These are the aspects that either consciously or unconsciously we haven’t been able to assimilate or integrate into, you know, the wholeness of ourselves. We’re not quite ready. So what I’m curious about is how could somebody who’s listening right now begin to, once they’ve identified these parts that need to be seen or waiting to be seen or integrated, how do they go about calling these aspects back home? I’m curious about what did that process look like for you?

Zette Harbour 15:20
Thank you for that. Yeah, it’s so interesting. I do think of those things as dragons and zombies, as I kind of described in the book, because our mind, and typically these are things we create when we’re very young, very vulnerable, when we’ve had something happen, that was physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually overwhelming, and felt incredibly threatening. And just in order to navigate that level of, you know, feeling of threat and feeling of danger, when we don’t have the resources outside of us to support us, we have one thing left, and that is our mind. And as a child, I don’t have a lot of choices about what I can come up with. My experience, right, my experience of life is so limited. So I do the best I can. And so I create things that are going to look and feel scary, because they are warning signs to the rest of me, do not go here, like the dragons on the edges of the map, right? You know, warning sailors don’t sail past this point, because you don’t know, it’s going to be bad.

Zette Harbour 16:34
And so I was able to create, sort of, boundaries in my own mind by placing these, ‘dragons’ around the edges of what was safe for me to think about, or believe about myself. And you know, when you have a very limited map, you have a very limited ability to travel and to explore and to discover. And then the zombies, you know, those are those parts of myself mainly, that, you know, it’s the part where you think you see something in yourself. You feel something, and it’s ugly, and you don’t like it. You’re like, no, that is not who I am. I’m just not even gonna look at that. That is ugly, gross. It’s just, it’s trying to kill me, right. So it’s just it’s an it’s an exaggerated reaction.

Scary Stories From A Place Of Love

Zette Harbour 17:18
But it is the reaction of a mind that, just, that’s the best they can do at the time. And therefore, it’s really coming from that place of love. And that’s why really, the whole book is Love Lies Beneath because even the dragons and zombies were created from a place of love, because that was the best tool, our mind and our heart and our Soul had at the time, to protect us and keep us safe enough to keep moving forward. And so, you know, if someone is recognizing that there are experiences in their life that feel familiar, but don’t feel good. They’ve sort of you know, same song, second verse, so much louder, so much worse. I don’t know if you remember that camp song. That’s how I feel about that.

Zette Harbour 18:10
And so when you recognize and you know, if you give yourself grace, Laura Grace, right? We give ourselves grace to, to say, okay, this is familiar. It does feel a lot like it’s that person. And the feelings I have are so really uncomfortable for me and so repulsive, even, that I feel like they’re the walking, you know, the undead, and they’re trying to, you know, eat me, eat my whole, you know, eat my face off. And, and yet, they’re not really because what’s interesting is, when we actually do the process of saying, you know, I see you, I embrace you, I appreciate you, I love you, the zombie immediately transforms. And it doesn’t even mean that you’re going to have suddenly this really, you know, amazing, conscious understanding of what’s happening. But you know, you don’t have to because the part of you that created that scary thing to warn you. It doesn’t really require analytical discussion. What it requires his presence, acceptance, caring, love.

Dr. Laura Grace 19:18
Yeah, I agree. You know, I was listening to a podcast yesterday called The One You Feed and the interview was with somebody who specializes in the inner critic. And he talks about the internal family system. And these are all the different voices, and there are many voices that we’re all carrying, that are from the three year old, throwing a tantrum about what we’re not doing right, to the 35 year old, saying, you know, we’re just not getting it together to ever succeed.

Dr. Laura Grace 19:49
He was talking about how each one of these voices need to be listened to, and they all have a place to be heard because the bottom line is, they’re all trying to protect us. They’re coming from fear. So we’re not talking the highest vibration, nothing like love but in their own misunderstood way they’re trying to help us navigate through life. So he’s saying the same thing that you are, that sitting with this, not resisting it, not judging it, keeping an open mind, just trying to like use curiosity to find out what is the message? Why are they showing up. And so it makes so much sense of what you’re saying about the dragon and zombies represent any Soul parts have been cut off.

Zette Harbour 20:50
Reclaiming myself, diving into the soil of my own life, tending my roots, on all those four levels, right, spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical. Tending on all four levels, is what has enabled me to show up in my life in the way I am right now. And share this book because I’ve wanted to write a book for many years. It really was this particular year that I was able to really see the story clearly, see the pathway through the story clearly, and feel just really called and supported in telling the story and sharing it. And I’m really grateful that you have been a part of that, too, Laura, thank you,

Dr. Laura Grace 21:33
Thank you for having me be part of your life, All the stories that you include in this book about yourself, and then you’re so beautifully tied into how it can apply to those who read the book, and understanding their own journey, you really do show that love is underneath. It really does lie beneath everything that we go through. I mean, we tend to see things as difficult lessons, but it’s all to get us to see to really, not be zombied out, and not be afraid of our dragons, to really see that there’s this gentle, compassionate presence that is forever patient, helping us to understand that the really, the only reason that we’re here is to remember that we’re Love. And we can easily forget that with all the fear thinking that dominates this world.

Nighttime Dreams Are Stories

Zette Harbour 22:48
It’s as if we’re lost in the wilderness. And there’s a voice and it’s calling to us, right? It’s calling and calling. And it knows that in order for us to get back to where the voice is, we’re going to have to, you know, climb up some steep hills. We’re going to fall down into some brambles. We’re going to get stuck in some mud. We’re going to scrape our knees, all those things will happen. The voice isn’t calling us in order that we may suffer. But the voice understands that returning home means that we will get some bumps, bruises, and scrapes. They’re part of the journey. And that at its core, the journey is really about coming home to ourselves.

Dr. Laura Grace 23:27
It really is the same thing, you know, can be said for our nighttime dream. So many times people are scared of the characters that are showing up or the landscape, or the dream theme and nightmares, and it’s the same thing. It’s Soul speaking to us, wanting to help us. It’s just that we’re not always looking through the lens that feels friendly and, and compassionate. But it’s the same thing. It’s always calling us back home. So I really want to thank you for having me as a part of this discussion about your new book and and for sharing your light so beautifully with all of us

Zette Harbour 24:06
Thank you, Laura, thank you so much. And yes, the dream work is such a big part of it. And we will definitely be setting up a podcast interview where I’d love to have my listeners learn more about working with their dreams. In the same way that I learned to work with folktales and imagery and listen to the voices of the Soul through those stories that emerge in our nighttime dreams.

Mythical Beasts & Frightening Creatures

Zette Harbour 24:49
I want to read a passage from my book to you that Laura and I have been discussing. It’s called dragons and zombies

Zette Harbour 25:01
Early mapmakers placed images of frightening Mythical Beasts on the edges of the safely traveled world that they knew. ‘Here Be dragons’. My own inner edges were very clearly defined. And I understood that to venture beyond my known borders was a considerable risk. I knew the pain was there, I just did everything I could to avoid actually looking at it. Over time, it became clear that avoidance was a temporary measure. When I sent my unwanted feelings packing, I had hoped that they would eventually lose interest and disappear. It was both a blessing and a curse to learn that they would never leave me.

Zette Harbour 25:45
On the one hand, it was reassuring to realize that I had not permanently dismembered myself. On the other, it meant that one day I would have to face them all. Having shoved the unwanted, damaged chunks out my front door, I discovered something. All of the exiled portions of my soul prowled like zombies wandering around my front yard. Over the years, they had grown into a tormented mob. Anytime I opened that door, they rushed it and tried to get back in. But they were ugly and dead and seemed to want to consume me. So I forced them back and slammed the door shut.

Zette Harbour 26:27
It was not until I awakened to the truth of where they had come from and where they belonged, that I was able to begin welcoming them home. As I did, those orphaned parts of my Soul returned. It turned out that they did not ever want to eat me alive as I had feared. And when I was able to see them as beautiful, appreciate the sacrifice each one had made, and accept them as invaluable members of myself, my fear subsided.

Zette Harbour 27:00
This shift in my story was a key to reclaiming my Soul, which led to healing my heart. Now, I was able to look beyond the fear and pain that had created these monsters, and see their origins. At the deepest core of all that had happened, and all that my soul did in response, lies Love. The journey to reunite with this deep part of myself is the purpose of life. It was in finding my way back home that I discovered who I am, and why I am here. I now understood that the dragons and the zombies were there to protect me.

Your Reflection

Zette Harbour 27:46
You have dragons and zombies, too. They are the stories you have laid down to staunch the bleeding from your original wounds. They are pieces of your Soul. They come from the place within you that holds all of the truth of who you are, and why you are here. In times of pain and fear, Soul cracks open and allows just enough of you to be sent away in order to gain a sense of control over the conditions of your life. These little or sometimes big parts of yourself, agree to carry the burden and the grief off to some inner hidden corner. Then when safely buried, the mind continues coping with the challenges at hand.

Zette Harbour 28:31
The removal of the worst part of the pain was essential to being able to carry on. What was happening was still painful, but the tsunami of emotion had been halted for at least the moment. For most, the big ones occur early and your child’s mind cannot resolve your intense and scary feelings. If you do not have the support to resolve your pain and grief from the adults in your life, you naturally cannot do it yourself. And so a temporary fix allows you to separate from the hurt just enough to let you survive. The Soul parts you have cut off wait patiently for the day you call them back home.

Zette Harbour 29:14
At first it will seem contradictory to want to get closer to your stories of wounding. You had banished them for a good reason. That is why it is essential to understand that your deeper wisdom arises from the absolute unending wellspring of love that lies beneath that comes to your aid.

Zette Harbour 29:36
Paradoxically, you will know that they are ready to reunite with you by the discomfort and stress you feel. This is what the invitation feels like at first. That is because when you initially built your moat, you did a great job of creating an intimidating space. It is cold, dark, and deep, and it makes sense that it would seem like a bad idea to dive in there. The good news is, that now you are fully equipped with sophisticated diving gear, and the resources to take care of yourself while in the process.

Zette Harbour 30:14
This will be different from your earlier times of trauma. This time, you will hear a sound that you have heard so many times, you seemed never to have heard it at all. It is the sound of your Soul, reminding you that these parts of you hidden within want to be resurrected. You will feel their yearning to be brought back out into the warmth and the sun. This will sound, look, and feel like those early wounds but only in the way that hologram appears to be like the real thing.

Princess Leia Looks So Real

Zette Harbour 30:47
Remember the hologram of Princess Leia in the first Star Wars movie? It looked and sounded just like her from every angle. The projection appeared to be alive and three-dimensional. Only if Luke had actually tried to touch her, his hand would have passed right through. The holograms of your exiled wounds are of a much higher quality. They look sound, smell, and even taste like the real thing. Your emotional reaction to them will also resemble the original. The reason for this is that they do still exist only in a different dimension. Your inner R2D2 carries the recording and will play it for you over and over to enlist your help.

Zette Harbour 31:34
They want to be remembered. This kind of re-membering is the conscious rejoining of those amputated parts of yourself. While this may sound gruesome and painful, it is the path to healing, wholeness, and self love. Your buried wounded parts will make themselves known. by appearing in painful situations that feel familiar. You will recognize them as you sense that this kind of disappointment, betrayal, or loss keeps happening over and over. This is not proof that life wants you to suffer.

Zette Harbour 32:13
It is the voice calling to you in the wilderness so you can find your way home. When these patterns repeat in your life, it is Soul inviting you into conversation with those parts of yourself that have been abandoned, cut off, or exiled as a way of managing your pain. As you come belly to belly and face to face with these fragments, you reconnect to the Love that lies beneath their origin. The story found within those origins is the key to reclaiming your Soul. Restore and remember your disdained and rejected dragons and zombies. As you do, you will find that this is the truest path to healing your heart.

The Story Tree

Zette Harbour 33:14
I imagine that my existence is like a tree. The leaves of the tree are how my life feels. The aches and unhappiness in my heart are like the leaves becoming sickly, turning yellow or brown. If I tried to paint the leaves green or apply chemicals or water onto them, I will not restore health to the tree or free my heart from pain. The answer is to tend the roots. Soul is the root system of the tree. The soil and all of the richness within it represent the love that lies beneath. The trunk branches leaves, blossoms and fruits to receive nourishment from the soil that must travel through the roots.

Zette Harbour 34:00
Likewise, the me that takes up space in the world, extends her reach out toward the sun, receives the light, and shares her bounty with the world, must be nourished through Soul. Story is the form in which the nutrients arise within the roots. It moves through the cells of the trunk branches and leaves. If the story is healthy and vital, so are they. That is how roots and nutrients, soul and story, together contribute to the tree’s well being and me. Story is how I can reconnect to roots that may have been abandoned and cut off. Within story I find the keys to restoring health to my heart and peace to my mind by reclaiming my Soul.

Zette Harbour 35:03
As you make your way through your own wild inner landscapes, as you’ve traveled through this wilderness on your journey, to come home to yourself, consider how those people, those events, those ideas, those stories that you have about yourself, your world and your place in it, make you uncomfortable or cause you stress, fear or pain. And invite, just for a moment, the idea that those frightening and uncomfortable people and stories and events may just be messengers, trying to call you home in a way that comes from a place of great love.

Zette Harbour 35:49
Give yourself a moment with those scary places with those dragons with those zombies. And allow yourself to let them know that you see them. See if you can wrap your arms around them, welcome them home, let them know that you appreciate that they are there, and that they have some gift for you. And then leave some room to let them know that you love them.

Zette Harbour 36:17
As always, I encourage any listeners to make sure you subscribe to this podcast so that you do not miss a single part of this adventure. This is a journey into our inner wild landscapes. And I am excited to take this journey with you and to bring along these beautiful people like Laura who have so much wisdom and so much soul connection that we can all on this journey let our lights beam more brightly into the world. And in doing so inspire everyone around us. So I am really delighted to have shared this time with Laura. I thank her for being my interviewer on this podcast. Thank you so much Laura.

Dr. Laura Grace 36:58
You’re so welcome Zette. It’s been a real honor for me as always, like we could talk for hours. It’s always a fulfilling, uplifting journey whenever we talk, whenever we chat. So thank you so much for having me be part of it.

Zette Harbour 37:13
You’re welcome. And I’m so delighted. And to all my listeners. I look forward to hearing more from you. Let me know what you think. In the comments. Connect to me on my website ZetteHarbourCoach.com. Go raibh míle maith agat!

Apr 04 2021

Episode 5 Necessary Deception

There have been times in our lives when we have been deceived by ourselves. There are reasons that made these necessary deceptions..

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon.

Transcript

1:25
In Episode Five, we will be talking about Necessary Deception. Hopefully, you’ve been able to follow along with the earlier episodes, where we looked into how the story of who we think we are, can limit our ability to really be who we truly are, and what the nature of those stories is, how they are disguises. And in some ways those disguises can enrich our lives. And often the ones we notice the most are the disguises that limit our lives and causes us stress, fear or pain.

2:30
And then we moved on to talk about being Lost In The Wilderness. Often we feel we don’t have a clear path. We experience confusion, fear, stress. And after that comes the pain, the discomfort, the uncertainty, the questioning of ourselves, when we are able to really see that these thoughts that we’re having, they’re really our mind trying to be very helpful. Our mind is trying to help us understand emotions that we are experiencing. Emotions themselves are real, they’re true, they’re pure, they exist. And it’s really valuable to allow those emotions to have their own space.

3:15
The challenge is, as we talked about, in the introduction, do we create some sort of concrete story that helps us get more comfortable with even the most uncomfortable of emotions? And while those stories, like an anchor for a ship, may anchor us for a time, keep us from moving with the tide or the current, it can also keep us stuck. And in our last episode, Origins and Protective Layers, we dove into these layers that we have within ourselves.

3:54
And I wanted to make sure that you knew that all of the notes for each show are on my website, which is ZetteHarbourC oach.com. And you can click on the podcast tab and you’ll see all the episodes there with some notes, a transcript, and any illustrations that applied to that episode’s topic. So for last week, I want to make sure you know that there is an image that can visually describe those layers that we talked about. That at the core of who we are, we are that Original Self, the ‘I Am.’ And the next layer that often happens is what I call the Original Wounding, which are those times when we were really vulnerable, typically very young, unable to manage or navigate the world on our own. Therefore we relied on our caregivers, the adults around us and if they were behaving or talking in ways that created any stress, fear or pain, we may have felt wounded by that.

5:08
Sometimes they’re very distinct and clear. Sometimes they’re a little more obscure, and maybe have, you might have a harder time identifying those. But that is the second layer, the Original Wounding, and then the outer layer, I call the Original Self Betrayal.

5:26
And in today’s episode, we’re actually going to explore where that term comes from. Essentially, this layer is the stories I needed to manufacture, in order to make sense of, or to feel just a little bit less overwhelmed or even frightened, in the face of something that was incredibly stressful, incredibly painful, that I did not have any power over. It’s really helpful if we can, in those moments of complete overwhelm, create a story that gives us a little sense of control. That gives us a little sense. In fact, it basically just helps us make sense.

6:10
What happens though, when we create those stories, where, let’s say you grew up in a home and you weren’t cared for you weren’t treated with love and respect, the story that we layer on becomes, I don’t matter, I’m bad, I’m not lovable. Those are ways that our, our mind is trying to help us explain overwhelmingly painful feelings. And somehow, having that story that it’s me, it’s my fault, can really lift some of the stress, the pain away from that wounding from others.

6:48
So today, we’re going to, as I say, we’re going to look at, where does this term Original Self Betrayal come from? And I want to set this up for you because I’m going to read the next section, which is in Part One, in the chapter called Origins. It’s a section called Necessary Deception. And it follows right after the idea that when I invite the exile pieces of my soul to turn home to me in my heart, then the pain of my self betrayal, as well as the original wordings can disappear.

7:43
Necessary Deception. For example, as a very young person, I had no power over the people who provided my food, clothing, shelter and safety. My life depended on them liking and caring about me. There were times when my early caregivers told me with words or actions that I did not matter. And I was not good enough, because the level of threat felt so high. That was when I needed to work hard to manage those stories. I had to make them my own as a way of softening the damage they could do. Like a bandage, I covered up the hurt from others with my own story as a way of having power over my suffering. I needed this to help me make sense of what was happening. To muffle the pain I invented a story that made me the villain, I willingly turned on my tender, vulnerable self to gain the illusion of control. This strategy worked enough to keep that yawning abyss of pain and grief over my Original Woundings at bay. Still, the void remained just on the horizon of my consciousness.

8:57
In the book, Leadership and Self Deception, the authors describe being ‘in the box.’ It is what happens to bosses, managers and leaders who are not aware of how they deceive themselves. Basically, the person makes a choice that is a betrayal of themselves. They act against who they know themselves to be, which creates negative consequences for their employees and teams. The moment they choose to turn their back on themselves, they must find justification for why it was the right thing to do.

9:33
For instance, a manager knows that an employee has had a recent family loss and sees that their work is suffering. The first thought this leader has is to offer some support, maybe relax some deadlines. However, then the realization that his own supervisor will see it as a sign of weakness pops up. He decides to reprimand his worker instead, and make sure to cc his boss. Suddenly, he remembers a list of other ways this employee has been deficient and ticks the items off one by one in his head.

10:08
When the manager felt threatened by his own supervisor’s imagined disapproval, he acted in a way that betrayed his true self. His original instinct was to show compassion. But he reacted to his fear and chose to behave in a way that denied the initial caring he had felt. As a result, he immediately had to come up with a list of justifications for why this denial was the right thing to do. The greater the betrayal, the longer the list needs to be.

10:42
This pattern of behavior applies to the unkind things I have done to myself too. Out of great fear, pain and grief, I betray what I know to be true in my heart, that I am a victim and deserving of compassion. Instead, I turn on myself, and say that I must deserve what is happening, I will myself to believe that I am the one to blame. Now I make a list of very valid and emphatic reasons that will justify this story. The people in my life will behave in ways that affirm and confirm what I now believe to be true.

11:23
I will carry these stories with me and fight fiercely to protect them, until I am ready to heal the original betrayal that created them. This will lead me back to my Original Woundings and eventually, my Original Self. That is where I will regain my connection to the Love that lies beneath. Until I do, my suffering will go on. I will inflict pain on myself, and my world will respond accordingly.

11:55
Each story was absorbed as deeply into my heart as the wounding it protected. Another way to think of this is that the intensity of the criticism and judgment I felt and expressed toward myself was the measure of how deeply my Original Woundings went, the more intense my self loathing, the more threatening my Original Woundings would have been. What this told me was that the negativity, I think, speak or act toward myself, is the equal and opposite of how much Love lies beneath the stories I once used to betray, and at the same time, protect myself.

13:21
I had been doing the Story Wisdom work for quite some time, and had been spending time with folklore as a mirror. And it was when I read the book lLeadership and Self Deception, that I suddenly had intense clarity around this. Now, they were speaking about it in terms of creating a really effective positive business or corporate environment. And it made total sense how that would be incredibly helpful for leaders to be able to recognize that if they were acting in a way that betrayed this sort of deeply, true place in themselves, which often had much more to do with caring compassion and understanding than it did with, say, dominance or correction, that it definitely caused difficulties in the team. It would reduce productivity, it would definitely decrease morale.

14:24
And so it was really great to see this dynamic explained in this really new context for me. It also really helped me understand my own internal corporate environment. My executives within me had in response to the stress, fear and pain that felt overwhelming and unmanageable, had acted in ways that betrayed who I truly am which is a loving caring, compassionate, thoughtful human being. And at our core, at the Original Self level, that is true for each of us, when we are in connection to that pure state, that Original Self, that ‘I Am,’ we behave in ways that create truly effective and positive relationships and dynamics and results in our lives.

15:29
So it was clear to me after reading this book twice, over the last couple, 10 years, the second time I realized, wow, this is it. This explains to me really clearly what happens within me when I act in a way that is not honoring my Original Self. And it made sense that the extent to which I justify and convinced myself of the rightness of my choices is equal in measure to the intensity of the wounding, because that’s sort of the measurement of the threat to my Original Self.

16:09
And that also then my response to that in creating that story that I did not matter that I was not lovable, that it was my fault. In creating that story, the intensity with which I had to create that story, or which I had to make sure it felt true was a measurement, a way of really being able to see how much love was really at the core of that, because ultimately, these stories that we create about ourselves in response to trauma, loss, grief, pain, fear, stress, are an expression of love from this deep, deep place within us, the Original Self wanting us to be protected to the extent that we can, because there are just times in our lives where we do not have the emotional, spiritual, psychological maturity.

17:04
We don’t have the resources or tools to access, we may not have the support network that we need to help us move through these in a way that’s going to nourish us and enrich us and allow us to become more fully who we are here to be. So these strategies we install, like the moat that we built around our Original Self. And we place all those scary things in there. Those strategies we install and implement throughout our lives, initially were there because they worked, they eased our pain, just a little bit, the ease or fear just a little bit. And sometimes just a little bit is the best you can get.

17:52
So once we move into places in our lives, where we have greater resources, where we have created a support network, where we have respectful, loving, compassionate people in our lives, who can walk beside us or hold the light, while we find our way in the darkness. When we reach these places in our lives, then we can look back and recognize that those were helpful and necessary, and that they are not actually giving the results that we want in our life right now. And therefore it’s time to release them.

18:30
Often, though, we do think that we need to not release them per se, but really reject them and say no, that’s a terrible way to be, I don’t like that I am this way, or that I have these thoughts about myself, I don’t like this, I hate it, in fact, right? We can reject it. Rejection actually is just another layer of self betrayal. And it’s just designed to protect us.

18:55
When we can dive below that layer of self betrayal and then dive through the Original Wounding, we will always find our way to the Original Self. And that Original Self is just pulsating with love. It is filled to the brim with love. And when we are able to be present to the love, we don’t have to control it or, you know, manage it or think about it. We simply get to be present to the love. And it is our presence to the love that lives with our original self, that we reclaim our soul and heal our hearts.

19:37
The healing happens as a side effect. It’s not anything you have to really work at or or strategize to do. It really is that simple, that when you dive deeply into these stories recognize the moment at which it was so critical for you to protect yourself by making up a story that, yes, is painful, yes, might feel judgmental and critical, but it helps you,

20:02
And recognize what a gift that was from yourself to give you what you needed at that moment to just make it through and to keep as much of yourself intact as possible, and then dive deeper back into those Original Woundings, which many of us, we know what those are, we’ve probably worked on them for years. So we don’t have much trouble sometimes really identifying what those are.

20:27
But once we understand that those Original Woundings are not actually the reason that we have these self critical, harsh, judgmental unloving stories about ourselves, once we realize that those things were events that happened caused grief, and in and of themselves, had we had the resources, the network of support, caring, you know, mature adults who understood how to allow us to integrate, you know, to process our stress, fear or pain or grief, once we realize that, then we can see that they are not those terrifying monsters that we’ve installed in our moat.

21:05
And that allows us then once again, to see with clear eyes, this Original Self, that lies at the heart of who you are, that really is where all your light beams from. And you know, those moments when you have feltyourself be fully present within your heart, within the core of who you are, and you know what it feels like, that warmth, that light that just beams from you into the world.

22:00
So I want to leave you with that thought. If you do come upon unpleasant feelings, hurts pains, grief, self criticism, if you hear someone else criticizing you, and it sounds really familiar, and you know, you’ve been criticizing yourself in the same way and it hurts. take just one moment and remember that those are just layers, they are not you.

22:31
I encourage you to visit my website so that you can see the image of the Original Self see those layers. And I want you to, in those moments, when you hear anything critical or painful or negative from you or others, you’re able to see that core Original Self, that beauty, that love, that vulnerability. And just even for an instant, for a micro-second, allow yourself to wrap your arms around that Original Self.

23:02
Try that this week and see what shifts for you. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out to me. I am on Facebook. I’m on Instagram. I’m also on Clubhouse. And so I look forward to hearing your stories. And I look forward to seeing your light beaming brightly into the world.

23:27
I’m Zette Harbour. I’m so glad that you were here with me today. And I look forward to our future adventures together on this podcast. So be sure to subscribe. And I’d love for you to leave a review wherever it is that you listen to podcasts, and visit my website ZetteHarbourCoach.com for all the show notes, the full transcriptions of the episodes and the illustrations. I look forward to seeing you again on our next episode. Go raibh míle maith agat!

Mar 27 2021

Episode 4 Origins & Protective Layers

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.

CARL JUNG

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon.

Your Original Self lies waiting beneath the layers of your Original Self-Betrayal and Original Wounding.

Transcript

1:44
In Episode Four, we are going to explore origins, the origins of the stories that we have come to believe are the absolute truth of who we are, the world we inhabit and our place in it. And these stories they can seem so woven into our reality that we don’t even see them. And they were formed during a time when they were absolutely necessary for our ability to manage and navigate, overwhelming and threatening and painful situations.

2:38
It’s really natural, when we are little to come up with explanations that help us make sense of life that really doesn’t make sense at all, and probably feels really overwhelming, stressful, painful, and even downright threatening. The mind is so resilient and so creative, she will come up with whatever it is that she believes we need to help us survive, and to keep as much of us intact as possible.

3:17
And the beauty is that no matter what stories or ideas about who we are, we feel we must shun or hide from ourselves or even twist into something unrecognizable, the true essence of who we are, remains there. It remains down in the core of our Soul and it just waits for us to return.

4:03
I’m going to read a passage from my book. It’s called Origins. “Until you make the unconscious conscious. It will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Carl Jung.

4:20
Many of my stories have felt as old as time. I did not recognize where they began nor what was there before them. Like a goldfish in a bowl of water, I could not explain the story environment in which I swam. If I asked that goldfish to tell me what water is, she would look at me like I was crazy. Water is everywhere and has always been as far as she knows. That is what it was to be unconscious of my stories. They were invisible to me and yet I relied on them to survive. I needed to find a way to make them visible to see them as separate from me. This allowed me to become conscious of them, and to understand why I created them in the first place. In order to do this, I had to track back to my origins.

5:30
Protective Layers. In the beginning, I was my Original Self. The world had not yet impacted me in a way that derailed me from being my natural self. My connection to the Love that lies beneath was unconscious and unbroken. I did not even think there was any separation between me and the loving source I was a manifestation of at this stage. The only story that existed was ‘I am.’

6:06
Then, while I was young and unprepared, some intense and painful betrayals and abandonments came. This was followed by the horrifying discovery that I lived in a home that was overtly dangerous for me. These are my Original Woundings, and they engulf me, they blanketed me and threatened to suffocate me. It looked as though they would become my only world. My fear was that this part of my life would continue to get bigger and eventually consume me all together.

6:43
I was terrified that I would cease to exist. The outer layer, self betrayal, was created by all of the stories I felt I had to make up to stay sane in a household of not so sane people. I needed to tell myself anything that would make my world even just a little bit less scary or dangerous. The illusions I created still hurt, but I felt like I had control over them because they came from me. The self-inflicted pain was designed to prevent others from continuing to wound me. This would act like a moat, protecting me, and it contained cold watery depths.

7:33
Just like a mythical moat, I tried to fill mine with guardians powerful enough to overcome any intruder. I populated this watery barrier with stories of self loathing and recrimination. It was a strange and almost homeopathic way of trying to ease my suffering. It was as if I believed that my personally created wounds would counteract the poison of the ones caused by others. At the very least, they helped me turn away from the traumas that were utterly out of my control.

8:09
The most pervasive story I installed in my moat told me, it was my fault that my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, did not care enough to make sure I felt loved, safe and cherished. I was not worthy, and I did not matter to them. If all of this was happening to me, it was because I deserved it. This was my Original Self Betrayal. And it was designed to keep those woundings from others contained. I would continue to exist, but it would not be pleasant.

8:49
For my self betrayal to do its job, I would need to split off my wounded parts. These bits would carry off the sharpest of the pains with them and create a buffer. My soul took on this mission as a way of keeping my heart and mind from being utterly overwhelmed. My soul had the wisdom to box up and packaway just enough of what hurt to help me find a way to function. I had created some protection only at a high cost. These exiled fragments of my soul may have been banished, but they would never die. Anytime I felt threatened or in pain, I would shun the feelings in me. It was as if I shoved them out of my front door telling them to get lost and not come back.

9:42
Since the dawn of human time, being shunned has been seen as one of the most severe punishments. The same principle applies to how I treat the undesirable parts of myself. When I cast out my painful and unacceptable bits and with them the events from which they were born, I am shunning parts of my Soul. These outcasts never disappear. And the space they leave feels empty and hollow. That emptiness echoes with grief and sadness. I can ignore it for a time, often with the help of alcohol, food, sex, shopping, smoking, pick your poison. Only when I invite the exiled pieces of my soul to return home, can the pain disappear.

10:51
It’s really common when you think about the painful stories that you have about yourself, to see them as enemies, and to believe that they are here to harm you. It’s a really tricky illusion, because they were formed in order to save you. And if that is true, then they must have come from a place of great love.

11:20
This is the idea of Love Lies Beneath. Every story that you have about yourself, no matter how painful, was created in a moment of great need. And it was created for you, by the deepest part of you, that is connected to the loving Source of all creation. In order to connect to that love that lies beneath, all we need to do is dive back into that moat, see that all the creatures we installed there are only in that moat, to protect us. And therefore they would never harm us.

12:07
And as we dive deeper into these depths, we can sift through that Original Wounding that came at the hands of others, we can recognize, reclaim and restore the part of ourselves that caused that Original Self Betrayal. And when we peel away those two outer layers, what remains is our Original Self. The ‘I am’ that existed before the world had a chance to impact it. And this ‘I am’ is within you, now and always.

13:12
What I’d like to leave you with today is to notice those moments. When you have feelings or thoughts that you just don’t want to keep around you. You want to open that front door and shove them out and get rid of them as fast as you can. Notice those moments and let that point the way home. Let that be the voice calling you in the wilderness showing you the direction that you can travel to find your way back to wholeness to find your way back to your Original Self.

13:54
I’m Zette Harbour. I’m so glad you could join me today. I look forward to meeting with you again. Don’t forget, subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss a single episode on this journey. Go raibh míle maith agat!

Be sure to subscribe to this podcast on your favorite pod player

Mar 27 2021

Episode 3 Lost In The Wilderness

Being lost in the wilderness and hearing a voice calling you home is a mirror for life and your relationship to suffering.

My book, Love Lies Beneath: How Reclaiming My Soul Through Story Became The Secret To Healing My Heart is available in paperback and as a Kindle at Amazon.

You are following a voice calling you to return home. This voice is the Love that lies beneath all of the stories and events of your life. It does not wish you to suffer as you make your way back. Yet, it understands that all of your experiences are what make the journey rich and meaningful. This Love knows that there will be trials along the way, each one designed to help you awaken to your Self.

Transcript

0:45
In this podcast, you’ll discover the story of who you really are, and how to set yourself free. Together, we’re going to travel into those wild spaces of our inner landscapes, and dive deeply into the rich soil of our lives, reclaiming Soul through Story and healing our Hearts. My book, Love Lies Beneath is the map. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss any of this enriching journey. And now, let the adventure begin.

1:45
Episode Three is all about finding our way in the wilderness.

1:57
Life is so messy. It can feel like wandering around in the wilderness without any clear idea of how to find our way back home and what is really amazing is there are and will be moments and people and conditions and events that will cause me to feel even more lost. What I want to explore today is how understanding the nature of what feels like an enemy, those moments, those emotions, those people, those events that feel threatening to me, how understanding their true nature will allow me to find my way in this wilderness.

2:49
For so many years of my life i have felt lost. I have found myself in quicksand, thrashing my way through brambles and briar patches, and climbing my way up the side of cliffs that are just loose rock just tumbling down onto me. As I go I’ve also had these times in my life where I feel like I am in Shangri La, where the view is beautiful and inspiring and the surroundings feel welcoming and friendly.

3:28
And how those moments in my life felt were how I decided whether it was something helpful or whether it was something there to hurt me. When we feel that we are threatened in some way, and it can be on the physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual level, our brains are wired to help us and that’s where we get into the fight, flight, or freeze response. The challenge has been to untangle that evolutionary biology and that wiring in my brain that says when I feel threatened to fight or to run or to freeze.

4:13
And even more, the challenge has been to see through the experience that I’m facing to see the true nature of the feelings I am having in response to that moment, to go beyond seeing it as a threat and be able to understand that there is a much deeper, much more profound, and meaningful reason for the struggles.

5:00
In order to explore this more, I’m going to read a couple of sections of my book. In Part one, they are Lost In The Wilderness, and Spoons & Stones, l

5:24
Lost In The Wilderness. If you were lost out in the wilderness, and heard a voice call out to tell you how to return to safety, you would follow it. Along the way, you might stumble into some brambles and get stuck in mud up to your knees. It is likely that you would fall trying to climb over boulders that were in your way. The nights would be icy cold, and the wind would dry out your skin. You would also feel the friendly warmth of the sun on your upturned face. Drink in the clean waters of the murmuring stream, and feel the ageless comfort beaming down from the starry night sky.

6:11
Your life is just like that. You are following a voice calling you to return home. This voice is the Love that lies beneath all of the stories and events of your life. It does not wish you to suffer as you make your way back. Yet it understands that all of your experiences are what make the journey rich and meaningful. This Love knows that there will be trials along the way, each one designed to help you awaken to yourself. When you hold this awareness in front of you, the experiences you have will transform from adversaries to allies. It will not always feel easy or pleasant. To be sure the discomfort and hardships along the way are real. They just do not mean what they appear to mean. They are not messages telling you that you deserve to or need to suffer

7:29
Stones & Spoons. In the movie The Matrix, Neo meets an extraordinary child who can telekinetically bend a metal spoon. Neo has only recently learned the true nature of existence and is still reeling from the knowledge that the world is not what he has for so long believed it to be when this gifted child shows him the bending spoon. Neo decides to give it a try. The child’s explanation is simple and brilliant. “Do not try to bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead, only try and realize the truth…There is no spoon.”

8:18
This is what I have discovered about suffering. I have learned that, like the spoon, it does not actually exist. Disappointments, betrayals, grief, loss, and all the other painful moments, what are commonly thought of as suffering are in fact, calls to take a journey to discover and recover the story of my true nature. They feel like enemies, but they are not. This may seem hard to believe. However, the most profound truth is that love underlies all experience whether it feels good or bad.

9:01
What I have believed to be the truth was in fact, my version of my experience. I don’t mean that what happened to me or what I have done throughout my life was not real. There is no doubt that those events occurred. They are the facts of the case, so to speak. Understanding story has helped me sort out my interpretation of what those occurrences meant about me and my worthiness.

9:29
The moments of my life were like stones with which I constructed the story of me. They were the building blocks of my identity. The mortar I used to lay each one in the wall of my life was the meaning I had assigned to it. I could erect a fortress of fear and protection or create an entrance to the wellspring of love. That is the source of my life. My perception of what each stone meant, determined how I put it to use. I was either staving off an enemy, or welcoming a friend.

10:11
Today, when I experience hurt, fear, anger or sadness, I understand that what ever awakened those feelings is a messenger. I have learned to hear them as voices of my Soul, calling me to find my way to the eternal life giving spring of Love that lies beneath. Listening in this way is not an avoidance of my emotions, because I genuinely feel them. Instead, I am able to recognize that they have a different purpose from the thoughts that accompany them.

10:47
The key is that the story I see, hear and feel in the moment makes it possible for me to know what path to take. As I follow these guides, I drink from the healing waters, and restore my heart to wholeness, no longer lost in the wilderness. Now, I am a sojourner present to the vitality of the moment, I am able to take in a wide variety of flavors, textures, aromas, and sounds. And while they will not all be pleasant, they will all be rich. In that richness, I find meaning. In order to tap into that meaning, I must uncover what lies buried in the origins of my stories.

11:57
The image that came to mind when I was writing, this was that scene in The Matrix with the child bending the spoon. And it was just a great mirror for me to look into and see that I often have and still continue to look at the problems in my life, the way that Neo was looking at that spoon. How can I bend it? How can I make it do what I want it to do? But because its true nature is that it is not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be vanquished any attempts to dominate or conquer or control will fail, and just lead us to greater frustration. And with that, probably greater pain.

12:52
Once I’m able to understand that there is no spoon, it allows me to see that I’m not here to make the spoon do what I want it to do. When I see the nature of the spoon, that it doesn’t exist, then it is free to bend and turn and change shape and become anything I desire. And that is the truth of those painful experiences in life. They look like something I am supposed to conquer, to dominate, to overcome, to bend to my will and turn into any shape I want.

13:41
When in fact, what I am being invited to see and to know, to become and to experience is that there is no enemy there. These painful moments are those voices in the wilderness saying, Come this way. Safety is here your home is here calling to me to move in that direction. And it’s just unfortunate that, you know, sometimes we only listen when life says something in a voice that doesn’t feel good.

14:20
It’s in learning the true nature of these painful ,disappointing, fearful events in our lives that we also gain the ability to shift how life communicates with us. In the same way that Neo could not have ever bent a spoon to his will, I cannot bend painful events to my wi ll. In the same way that Neo realizes there is no spoon. I can realize these painful events are not my enemies. They are not here to harm me, no matter how much they may look like it. The way to understand this is to dive deeply into the origins of my stories, to recover, and reclaim the parts of me that hold this truth about the nature of my suffering.

15:29
The piece I want to leave you with today is to trust that there is a voice calling to you in the wilderness. And it wants you to find your way home. It wants you to feel safe and loved. It wants you to know that you have always been loved. And so as you move through these days, weeks, months, even years of your life, and those scary or threatening or painful moments appear, leave just even a little space in your understanding of them, the same way that Neo was leaving space in his understanding of the spoon. Now you can leave space in your understanding that these painful, threatening, challenging moments do not have to be an enemy. In fact, they may just be the deepest part of you that truly loves you and wants you to be reconnected to the love that lies beneath everything.

16:39
I’m Zette Harbour. Don’t forget, subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss a single episode. I look forward to the next step in our journey. Go raibh míle maith agat!